Red vs Blue The appearence of the Covenent
by DuoJagan
Summary: the title says it all. The covenent come to blood gulch pursuing a human ship infested by the flood. What will happen? Well if you read my other fics you know that whatever happens shall be insane
1. The herretic, SLAYER

**Red VS Blue Surviving the Flood**

**Chapter 1**

**The Heretic, SLAYER**

**Here is the sequel. I know it took me a while to update but what I lack in time I make up in quality. And…I've sort have been preoccupied with my new found ability to draw. I CAN DRAW! I posted a link on my profile in case anyone wants to jeer at my lame "masterpieces". But that's not important. What is important is that I shut up and let you read the story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Halo, bugs bunny, Red VS Blue, a covenant armada, or a dog named Phil.**

In Blood Gulch, Donut sat quietly on his lawn chair sipping a cup of tea while watching nature remain a barren waste land….but this has NOTHING to do with the story.

Some number of light years away, the covenant were starting a civil war atop of Delta Halo.

On the surface of Halo, a lone elite makes his way into the center of a flood infested building.

Elite: "CHARGE!"

Hundreds of Grunt, Jackles, Elites, ect: "CHARGE!"

Ok maybe he wasn't alone.

His horde of warriors started shooting at random flood while the Elite took two brutes and made his way to the center of the building. There they find the remains of a certain Spartan….NO NOT MASTER CHIEF! Random Spartan#76 from my last chapter of my most recent fic (if you haven't read my other RvB fics you had best do so before you get lost in my many references to them)

The Elite brushed off the flood currently infesting the Spartans body.

Elite: "DAMN THESE VILE INFIDELS! They killed a demon…BEFORE ME!"

A single message was sent through every radio of every covenant at the same time.

Truth: "Execute order 66."

Brute 1: "huh?"

Brute 2: "That means that there is now a civil war in the covenant most likely do to the current shift in power and now we must exterminate every Elite we find."

Brute 1: "Didn't the author already do a Star Wars Parody?"

Elite: "Hey what are you two talking about?"

The elite barely managed to jump out of the way before a brute shot hit the wall behind him.

Brute 2: "Guess what. The prophets have ordered us to kill you."

Elite: "Impossible!"

Brute 2: "Oh it's true. I wonder what the Elites will do without their great hero…MANGOR! THE HERITIC SLAYER!"

Mangor: "Give me proof of this vile order."

A hologram of Truth appeared on a conveniently located screen next to them.

Truth: "I realized that barely any of you knew what order 66 was. So just know that the Elites, grunts, and hunters have betrayed us all and you must kill them."

Brute 2: "We already know that!"

Mangor: "Did you just talk back…to a prophet!"

Brute 2: "Oh…no."

Before the brute could even fire his brute shot, the famed heretic slayer had thrown himself across the room and decapitated the second brute.

Brute 1: "WOW THAT WAS AWESOME! I mean….NO! BRUTE 2! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!"

Mangor: "I know not what I did to anger the prophets. But I shall not die until every heretic is dead beneath my feet."

Brute 1 grabbed two brute plasma rifles and fired them both at Mangor.

Mangor ran up a wall as Matrix music started to play for no apparent reason. HE bounced off the wall, did a few unnecessary flips, and sliced off the brutes head. All in less than a second.

Voice: "OMG! THAT WAS KICK ASS!"

Mangor turned to see a group of 5 marines eating popcorn while watching this fight. And another five marines carrying the corpse of the Spartan away.

Mangor: "STOP! Do not touch the heretic's body!"

Marine: "ALL OF YOU! Defend the Master Chief's corpse! I will hold him."

Marine 2: "Um….this isn't the Master Chief."

Marine: "It isn't? I thought there was only suppose to be one Spartan on Delta Halo."

Marine 2: "I know I know. But this is a fan fiction it doesn't have to be accurate."

Mangor: "So…are you going to give me the body or not?"

The nine marines made a break for the exit while the first Marine stood behind.

Marine: "Alright! If you want that body. You will have to go throu-."

Mangor punched the Marine in the face and ran after the Marines. By the time he caught up, the Marines were on the floor below him only a few yards away from their drop ship.

Mangor: "Hm…I COULD simply jump down there and kill them now or I can wait and do something cool."

Two brutes and two jackles stepped behind Mangor.

Brute: "It's over heretic slayer!"

Mangor: "Hey can you guys wait a little while before firing?"

Brute: "Um sure….why?"

Mangor: "You'll see….."

The marines began loading the Spartan onto the dropship.

Mangor: "So, how are the wife and kids?"

Brute: "They were pretty good until I ate them yesterday."

Mangor: "Now you see that's the difference between Elites and Brutes…we don't eat our young."

Brute: "We don't eat our young! We eat our ANYTHING regardless of its relationship with us."

The dropship started taking off.

Mangor: "Ok you can fire now."

Halo music began to play as the brutes and Jackles began firing at Mangor as he ran over a ramp leading over a large fall. (They are on one of those weird reeaaaaallllyyyy tall buildings like the one you are in when you play the Arbiters first mission.)

Dodging the explosions, Mangor jumped off the ramps and landed on the back of a Pelican dropship.

Brute: "NOOOOOOOOOO! I forgot to tape that! CURSE YOU MANGOR!"

Mangor could not help but pity the Brute for missing that first action scene so he threw the Brute an early Christmas present. By that I mean he stuck him with a plasma grenade.

Several other dropships formed up behind the first.

Marine 2: "Where are we going?"

Pilot: "To the warship Achilles. You know the one we arrived on."

Marine 2: "I thought there was only one ship at Delta Halo."

Pilot: "The author can simply make things up. For example his explanation for this ship was that it was going to a planet where a civil war was being thought. You know the Red vs Blue wars. And it had to make two jumps to get the total distance, and coincidentally this jump happened to lead us here."

Marine 2: "I see. And why is it that this dead Spartan isn't turning into a zombie and attacking us. I mean it WAS killed by the flood."

Pilot: "Bungie didn't design a zombie Spartan yet and the author isn't gonna make one up."

Marine 2: "That is one lazy author."

Pilot: "NO! Don't anger the author. Something bad will happen."

Suddenly the Spartans chest exploded. The flood had hollowed out the armor and several parasites managed to cram themselves inside.

Marine 2: "Awwwwww they're so cuuuuttttteeee."

The Flood apparently didn't like being called cute and jumped on the marine and…well….we all know what happens from there."

Mangor was about to crawl inside the Pelican when some dozen of flood flew out the back of the dropship and started going inside the others behind it.

Mangor somehow managed to get from the roof of the Pelican to inside of the pelican (I don't think that's physically possible) only to see a zombie/flood/dead human with a shotgun. The flood thing fired and Mangor was thrown out of the dropship.

Random Brute: "Heh serves him right."

Sad music started to play as the famed heretics slayer's body fell towards the earth. Then he realized that the sad music was his cell phone ring.

Mangor: "Hello?"

Elite: "Brother! It is good to see you are alive!"

Mangor: "HEY! Good to see ya Darlmon! What's up."

Darlmon: "I just regained control of my ship. The brutes have betrayed us brother. The covenant is being torn apart."

Mangor: "I know. I just had an encounter with those brutes. Long story short I'm kind of falling to my death here. Of course, this is a reeeeaaaalllly pointlessly long fall. The kind of fall that you would only see in Halo. I could starve to death before I hit the ground."

Darlmon: "Hang on I will pick you up."

Meanwhile Up in space….

Brute: "SIR! Darlmon's banshees are going back into his ship. We think he's about to warp."

Reignor: "What? Where is he warping!"

Brute: "To the surface of Halo."

Reignor: "Only a fool would attempt that kind of stunt! Send the three ships under our command to follow him."

On the surface of Delta Halo, every covenant, human, and halo fan in sight's jaw hung open as a large covenant ship appeared out of no where, flying in between the large and pointless towers.

Chances are their jaws hung even lower when they saw three other ships appear out of a split space rupture. The first of the new ships warped literally inside of a tower and exploded in huge (and really cool) flames of doom. The second appeared unharmed, and the third crashed into another pointless tower but wasn't destroyed.

Darlmon: "Get a ship to retrieve my brother in mid-fall. All guns aim at the second ships hanger."

As banshees went out of the second ship they were destroyed by Darlmon's ship.

Suddenly, the tower that the first ship warped inside (the one that has been exploding up to this point) collapsed and a huge section fell on, and destroyed the second ship.

A Phantom carrying Mangor landed in the hanger of Darlmon's ship.

Mangor ran into the bridge.

Mangor: "BROTHER! We have a new objective."

Darlmon: "How did you get to the bridge so fast? Your ship carrying you here landed 5 seconds ago."

Mangor: "I don't know but that doesn't matter! Brother the flood have taken over the humans and their ships. They are going to infest the human ship Achilles!"

Darlmon: "I thought there was only one human ship."

Mangor: "I know I know. It's a long story mainly revolving around the authors laziness."

Darlmon: "Well we can talk about that later. As for now. ATTACK THE HUMAN SHIP!"

Elite: "SIR! We don't know where the human ship IS sir."

Mangor looked at the Elite with an expression that sang insanity, homicidal, evil, maniac.

Mangor: "Are you disobeying the captains orders!"

Elite: "Um…no sire."

Mangor: "YES YOU ARE!"

Elite: "No I'm not!"

Mangor: "Did you just contradict me!"

Elite: "Yes sir."

Mangor: "Oh we have a trouble maker now do we."

Elite: "No sir."

Mangor: "You contradicted me again! You are really asking for it."

Elite: "I'M SORRY SIR DON'T KILL ME!"

Mangor looked at the Elite with an expression of triumph.

Mangor: "Sorry for what?"

Elite: "Contradicting you twice, disobeying the captains orders, and ripping the head off your teddy bear Bo-Bo when we were three."

Mangor: "THAT WAS YOU! I'LL KEEL YOU!"

Elite: "Wait a minute. You never kill someone without calling them a-."

Mangor: "DIE HERITIC!"

Mangor snapped the Elites neck and then skipped merrily down the halls as if nothing happened.

Darlmon: "By the time we are done with this he will have killed every man under my command. Activate sub-light engines! Follow the human infidel dropships."

Elite: "Hey I didn't know flood could fly dropships."

At that point the flood driving the Pelicans realized they couldn't fly and started crashing into random objects between them and the Achilles. One of the dropships even flew into the covenant mother ship as the Master Chief was poking the prophet of Mercy's corpse to see if he was alive.

Cortana: "….Not a very original plan, but one we know will work."

The pelican crashed into the wall in that hanger.

Master Chief: "Hey! I have reinforcements."

A bunch of flood Zombies ran out of the pelican.

Master Chief: "Ok never mind."

Back in Redemption (I am naming Darlmon's ship the redemption now) Mangor was ordering Pizza.

Mangor: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN COVENENT DIDN'T INVENT PIZZA AND THAT HUMANS DID! HERETIC!"

Actually that has nothing to do with the story so lets get back to the point.

Elite: "Darlmon. The flood have invaded the human ship. They took them completely by surprise."

(FLASHBACKIFY TO TWO MINUTES AGO)

The pelican dropships crashed into the hanger.

Marine: So how did the battle go."

The flood walked out of the Pelican.

Marine: "Hey is that a dead Spartan over there? I thought there was only suppose to be ONE Spartan on Delta Halo."

Flood: "ahgaoag babgaaba." (flood talk)

Marine: "I hear ya. None of what the author does makes sense."

Flood: "ahgahgjajgb"

Marine: "Oh a button that would disarm all ship defenses so that if hypothetically a large group of parasites were in here they could easily kill everyone….yah its right over there in plain sight."

Flood: "aghajgb abgbahhgbjka gkbabkgbkab gkbakgkbjabg." (Translation: "ALL I ASKED YOU WAS WHERE THE BATHROOM IS! Which is odd considering that since I'm a flood I DON'T NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM! Whatever. Hey what does that button do?"

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Darlmon: "How did they get past the human defenses so easily!"

Elite: "I don't know but they have full control of the ship."

Elite 2: "SIR! Our sensors indicate that their ship is about to warp!"

Darlmon: "Where to?"

Elite: "A strange planet where the humans are fighting a civil war to determine what color they should paint the white house. Red or blue. We haven't attacked this planet because the humans waste a lot of resources in this civil war and we want it to continue."

Darlmon: "Very well then. Warp to that planet."

While at the ship they were in combat with…..

Reignor: "What's going on? Why is the Redemption withdrawing it's Banshee's?"

Brute: "Sir I believe they are about to warp."

Reignor: "Then follow them with every ship in our command."

Brute: "Sir this is the only ship in your command."

Reignor: "What! I thought we had three."

Brute: "They were destroyed sir."

Reignor: "We shall avenge those ships! Fortunately, no foe has been able to beat the Condemnation in battle yet!"

Brute: "That is because this Ship was just finished being built three days ago it hasn't been in any battles yet except this one. And were losing."

Reignor: "Well….that means our ship is more recent then theirs!"

Brute: "Actually this ship is an insanely old model that took so long to build it came out after the Redemption was designed and made."

Reignor: "JUST WARP ALREADY!"

While Back in Blood Gulch………

Donut had finished sipping his tea.

Donut: "Now there's nothing to do but to watch the stars where there are no surprises like huge warships warping right about us."

Griff: "Hey Donut…."

Donut: "Yah?"

Griff: "Where the hell did you get a lawn chair and a cup of tea?"

Donut: "I have no idea but it tasted HORRIBAL!"

Griff: "Why were you drinking the tea if it tasted bad."

Donut: "I wasn't talking about the tea."

Griff was about to ask why Donut attempted to eat a lawn chair when a huge warship appeared not to far above them…actually it was way to close.

The warship flew right over Blood Gulch, scraping the tallest mountain as it flew by.

Donut: "Wow I think an alien ship just crash landed here. AND I FORGOT MY CAMERA!"

Griff: "Why does the author have to leave us with a cliff hanger every chapter?"

**Yup that was the first chapter. I was going to add more but I figured to split it into two chapters into one insanely long one. Anyways R&R. oh and sorry this wasn't as funny as my other fics but I needed to open up with this chapter and I made it as funny as I could. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE FUNNIER!**


	2. The quest begins, BADLY

**Chapter 2:**

**The quest begins, Badly**

**Yup here's chapter 2. Its spring break right now so this means people are either running around outside in the warm sunny days, or locking themselves in their dark little rooms playing World of Warcraft and Halo all day long. Guess which one I'm doing :D. Anyways, it was kind of annoying doing this chapter because I am very picky about the timeline normally. But a brilliant idea occurred to me that would let us both forget about Tucker's baby and explain why the dropship is here.**

**Mister Frodo: Don't worry the next chapter is here. And yes I do rock but due to my lack of modesty, it would be best not to say that since I could get a huge ego boost and try to take over the world with my powers over fanfiction. Out of curiosity if I were to take over the world would any of you help me?...purely theoretical (eye shift) **

**Piers50: Well, you see if the dropship landed on Griff he would have died a painful death, and there would be no way to inflict pain on him through the rest of the fic! So of course you can't kill him. And I don't know about Donut eating a lawn chair. He's Donut. He has his own reasons.**

**Isaac Malott: Yah I'm surprised there aren't more RvB fics with the flood in them. It's a good idea that's easy to think of. Oh well give evil Isaac Malott a cookie for being evil. Evil is good.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Well not really. If Mangor didn't kill Brute two, the Arbiter probably would have ended up doing it. Well at least in this death he will be forever remembered by my readers…for the next two chapters at least.**

**Clark Cradic: Well you see when I am trying to figure out how funny my chapter is, I have penguin god read it and look at his reaction (never ask him how good it was. He always lies) and since he didn't die of laughter I figured it wasn't as good as it could have been. Since all of my chapters nee to make someone die of laughter. It is essential. It gives me lots of fun law suits and death threats.**

Donut: "Baby? What baby?"

Sarge: "Donut get back here!"

Donut: "But Sarge the ship won't be here for weeks maybe or months or even years-,"

A large dropship landed on donut.

(this is where it goes from the fic's storyline to my fic)

Sarge: "Wait a minute, something's wrong here."

Griff: "What are you talking about? Our ship landed right in front of us."

Sarge: "This isn't a business day and I didn't order extra to have it here fast. This can't possibly be our order."

Griff: "Wait a minute, we were under attack by a tank and you didn't even pay extra for the ship to get here quickly!"

Sarge: "Of course not, we could have waited on those rocks for a few weeks while under siege from a tank."

Griff: "Then what would we eat?"

Sarge: "Ammo is a tasty source of food for an every day meal."

Griff: "Drink?"

Sarge: "Those conveniently placed bottles of Coke."

Simmons: "Ugh, I hate coke."

Sarge: "What did you say!"

Griff: "Yah dude. Mountain dew all the way."

Simmons: "Mountain dew is a mixture of acids stuffed into one convenient bottle that can burn your tongue off. Sprite is the best choice."

Sarge: "Have you both lost your mind! We're red! Coke is red! Thusly we like coke!"

Simmons: "First of all the coke CAN is red not coke. Second of all, being on red team shouldn't affect our taste. I mean we don't like red sox because we aren't red."

Sarge: "I may be from Texas but my relatives are from Boston. I LOVE the red sox!"

Griff: "Dude, Yankee's all the way."

Sarge: "You find new reasons for me to hate you every day Griff."

Donut finally managed to crawl out of the bottom of the dropship.

Donut: "Hey, did anyone notice something weird about this ship?"

Four flood Zombies crawled out of the ship.

Sarge: "No. Nothing strange."

Simmons: "I think our four pilots look suspicious."

Sarge: "Course not."

Griff: "Yah and they seem kind of….slow."

The flood were still crawling towards Sarge, Griff, and Simmons, at a rather slow pace.

Sarge: "That's an act. They can really dodge bullets. Watch."

Sarge shot the first flood Zombie, which fell over dead.

Sarge: "Uh-oh."

A random flood parasite brought the zombie back to life.

Sarge: "Few, for a moment there I thought I was in trouble."

Griff: "WE ARE IN TROUBLE! THEY'RE ALIEN ZOMBIES!"

Sarge: "If they were alien zombies where would they come from?"

Simmons: "Yah for all you know they could be human zombies."

Sarge: "That's ridicules Simmons! Of course they're aliens."

Simmons: "I mean, we don't know if they're Aliens and they most certainly aren't Zombies."

Sarge: "Of course they're Zombies. You saw that didn't you!"

Simmons: "But you just…and you…but…oh I give up…OMG ZOMBIES AHHH!"

Sarge: "Simmons you are no longer allowed to scream like a woman."

Simmons: "Thank you sir."

Sarge: "Shut up traitor. Donut scream like a woman."

Donut screamed in a veeerrrrryyy high pitched voice, causing the flood zombies to dissolve in front of them.

Sarge: "Donut…never do that again."

Donut: "What? That's my normal scream."

Sarge: "Never do it again."

Griff: "I wonder where these guys came from…"

Donut: "Maybe that giant space ship we saw five minutes ago when I was sipping tea in the middle of battle."

Griff: "And eating a lawn chair."

Sarge: "What are you two talking about?"

Griff: "Oh there was a giant alien space ship that crash landed somewhere east of here."

Sarge: "Why didn't you tell me!"

Griff: "Because the tank attacked us."

Sarge: "We have to find that ship pronto! Before they realize this planet is occupied by humans and destroy it."

Griff: "And how will showing ourselves help?"

Sarge: "Just shut up dirt bag."

Back in blue base…

Church: "THIS IS NOT YOUR BABY! THERE IS NO BABY! NOTHING HAS A BABY!"

Baby elite: "Blarg."

Church: "QUIT BEING ADORABLE! I HATE YOU!"

Doc: "Church, just calm down…"

Church: "NO! CABOOSE IS STUPID TEX ISN'T HERE ANT TUCKER IS A MOTHER! I AM NOT CALM! NOT ONLY THAY BUT A DANGEROUS AI IS WANDERING AROUND SOMEWHERE WITH THE INTENT OF KILLING US ALL!"

Tucker: "That doesn't sound so bad."

Church: "I'M NOT DONE YELLING AT YOU!"

Tucker: "Ok ok…."

Church: "………"

Tucker: "…….."

Church: "……."

Tucker :"……"

Church: "Ok I'm done now."

Tucker: "Ok and just to be clear, that baby isn't…"

Church: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BABY ISN'T YOURS! IT CAME OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMNED STOMACHE YOU !$!$ING LITTLE $# I HATE YOU WITH ALLOF MY !#$!ING HEART YOU (It became rather difficult to censor the next ten pages of the story so I decided to cut it down to this) GOD I HATE YOU!

Tucker: "That's not what I was going to say…"

Church: "Then what were you going to say? HUH! WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY!"

Tucker: "That just to be clear, that baby, isn't….human."

Church: "You don't say…well of course I didn't notice the fact that HE HAD HOOVES AND A MOUTH DIVIDED INTO FOUR PARTS AND BLUE SKIN AND…! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK HE COULD BE HUMAN?"

Tucker: "Well I don't think I ever did it with an alien so…"

Church pulled out a big hammer out of no where.

Tucker: "Oh god its Karin all over again!"

Doc: "Church, I think you are suffering from stress, suppressed rage, and cardiac arrest."

Church: "What was your first clue you…."

Church fell to the ground and went into spasms.

Doc: "Few that was close. I am going to help Church. Tucker I need you to find Tex."

Tucker: "Why?"

Doc: "We need some group therapy with Church and that needs Tex. Oh get Wyoming too if you see him."

Caboose: "Doc, the baby is biting my arm."

Doc: "He must be teething."

Caboose: "Doc, where do babies come from?"

Doc: "Church will tell you when he gets better."

Caboose: "Oh….the baby is biting my arm."

Doc: "I know Caboose."

Caboose: "I don't think this baby is human."

Doc: "I think I understand where Church's stress is coming from."

Caboose: "Doctor my arm is bleeding."

Doc: "Now Caboose, I'm sure that, HOLY WASTE PRODUCT EMITTED BY A HUMAN!" (the lengths people will go not to say shit…)

The moral of the story is, that baby elites have a mean bite.

After Doc did all he could for Caboose's mangled arm and put the baby on a leash, he found himself with nothing to do. In the corner of the room he saw a giant sign labeled PLOT DEVICES. Under them were a cell phone and an I-pod with bullets.

Doc examined the small I-pod and took the bullets out. Then he realized he didn't know anything about repairing electronic devices so he threw it into a corner.

Back in Longest…

Darlmon: "How is the ship holding up?"

Elite: "Sir, only a couple of scratches. Or...a couple thousand scratches. Really big scratches at that."

Mangor ran into the control room

Darlmon: "Mangor, I think we have a job for you."

Mangor: "What is it brother?"

Darlmon: "We need you to search this planet for the humans inhabiting it and exterminate them so the flood will have no new hosts."

Mangor: "Very well."

Mangor turned to leave the ship but was stopped by his brother.

Mangor: "Wait a minute, we haven't briefed or equipped you. Our top scientist is was working on a way to kill the flood with our plasma weapons. What have you figured out top scientist?"

Scientist: "Oh, um. We didn't figure that out. But we DID find out that our religious is the same thing that Christians call Christianity."

Mangor: "HERETIC!"

Mangor sliced off the Elite's head.

Darlmon: "Why must you do that?"

Mangor: "Do what?"

Darlmon: "Kill my soldiers."

Mangor: "Those last three were asking for it."

Darlmon: "THREE!"

Mangor: "That cafeteria grunt told me that humans invented pizza."

Darlmon: "And what did the first one do again?"

Mangor: "He ripped off the head of my stuffed bear Bo Bo when I was three."

Darlmon: "You didn't have a stuffed bear named Bo Bo when you were three."

Mangor: "Oh that's right I didn't."

Darlmon: "Now you will need some equipment…"

Mangor killed a random elite and took his beam sword.

Darlmon: "And we need to partner you up with someone just to be safe."

Mangor: "Sorry but I just can't do that. Bad things happen to people partnered up with me."

Darlmon: "You mean you kill them?"

Mangor: "No…"

Darlmon and Mangor entered the cafeteria.

Darlmon: "See that person in the corner?

Mangor: "Yah."

Darlmon: "His name is Shika, the shadow master. He is notoriously lazy. E is hard to work with but a master genius with an IQ of 200. If there is anyone who can help you it is him." The Elite at the table then fell off his chair and went into spasms.

Nearby Elite: "I think he had a heart attack."

Darlmon: "Ok then…Well in that corner is our champion kick boxer, Bala. He is known for his fighting skills." Suddenly a random group of arrows appeared out of no where and launched themselves into the elite's back."

Darlmon: "Ok then… that was weird. In that corner we have someone who looks like he's tough." The unfortunate hunter in that corner attempted to run away but a piano fell out of the sky and crushed him. Then the hunter remembered he was bigger than the piano, but as he was getting up a wraith fell out of the sky and crushed him.

Darlmon: "Wow, that was also weird. It's a good thing there are four corners to every room."

The elites at the remaining corner tried desperately to run but coincidently, a small meteor hit the ship in such a way that It only killed the people in a small area near that corner.

Darlmon: "Was this what you meant when you said people couldn't partner up with you."

Mangor: "The buddy system in fifth grade wasn't my fault! I SWEAR IT WASN'T!"

Darlmon: "Just shut up. You have your assignment now go. Just call the ship if you need any help."

Mangor left the ship singing and skipping for joy.

Elite: "Well I see the quest has begun."

Darlmon: "Yes, but it has begun rather badly. Hence the title name."

**Will Mangor kill everyone he wants to kill? Will Church ever get over his stress? Will Tucker find Tex? Will Tex care? Will red team find the enemy ship? Why the hell do I expect you to know? R&R**


	3. Hopelessly lost

**Chapter 3:**

**Hopelessly lost**

**AH! DEAR GOD! IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPS! ONLY FOUR REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER! In truth that's more than I got in the average chapter of "So you love Caboose, What is WRONG with you". But the thing is that I was expecting five or six, purely because of the reviewers that jumped in at the end of that fic. After having a heart attack after finding this out, I consulted my therapist who shot me in the knee and said I have ego issues…Whatever. No cookies for him when I take over the world. Of course there is a sign of the apocalypse in this since Clark Cradic, didn't review which is….well…a sign of the apocalypse. And One True Koneko didn't review either but my guess is that she doesn't even know the sequel is up. Whatever. This is what happens when I have no interesting topic to talk about before responding to reviews :D. **

…**.oh and HAVE A MERRY APOCALYPSE EVERYONE!**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: No, no dental. But you DO get a lawn mower after signing up for my army…..my hypothetical army...(eye shift) which doesn't exist (eye shift) all you have to do is buy one….and sign up for me (cough) non existent (cough) army. And of course there are more plot devices than just those two. Think, the cell phone and I-pod are two popular hand held electronic devises. Take your best guess on what the next one will be. If you can't think of it, just play game boy until you get an idea. **

**Valkyre's messenger: Great! That's TWO people willing to help me take over the world...not that I'm actually planning anything. I am sure as hell not putting subliminal messages in my fics to gather an army of Red vs Blue fans…oh and, when a dropship lands on you, there is a simple procedure to help you get out. Stop, Scream, and Die. It works for me every time. Help Duo Jagan take over the world**

**Isaac Malott: Sorry but I'm saving O'Malley for a later scene that I have already completely planned out…by that I mean I thought of something funny and I have no idea how to incorporate it into the fic without breaking the laws of physics. Of course, that's why I invented the plot devices. It's what every author needs for a semi logical explanation. You can buy yours at Wal-Mart only for 5.99….and by 5.99, I mean five point ninety-nine million dollars. I do need funds for the purely hypothetical take over the world plan that I have.**

**Mister Frodo: Actually rocks ARE people. Remember the second chapter of revenge of the robots? I rest my case. And for the record, Christians DO kill everything. Salem which trials and all. Of course I am not going to enforce any religious beliefs of mine because that would be mean. Instead just watch the small font. Help Duo-Jagan take over the world. Remember kids, small font is your friend.**

In blue base, Church was just starting to wake up…………..

Church: "…………"

I said… IN BLUE BASE! CHURCH WAS JUST STARTIGN TO WAKE UP!

Church: "AH! WHATS GOING ON!"

Much better

Church: "Oh right, the fic began. I sort of dozed off when you were replying to the reviewers…now I feel an odd urge to help the author take over the world.

MWUAHAHAHAH! SMALL FONT IS YOUR FRIEND!

Church: "Whatever. Anyways I lost my script."

I didn't make a script for you…

Church: "Well that just sucks."

Caboose: "Doc I think the sky is falling."

Doc: "Caboose, the sky is not falling."

Caboose: "Yes it is."

Church: "Oh yah. Now I remember."

Caboose: "Church, tell Doc the sky is falling."

Church: "THE SKY IS NOT FALLING!"

Doc: "Oh good Church your awake."

Church: "I was much happier when I couldn't hear your voice."

Doc: "You still seem a bit angry. Let me get my green light gizmo out."

Doc noticed that Caboose was holding his green light gizmo thingy and took it from him.

Caboose: "What are you doing?"

Doc activated the device and a green light emitted.

Doc: "That's odd, I don't recognize this light…"

Church: "HOW CAN YOU NOT RECOGNIZE THEM! THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!"

Doc: "But this is different…I can't explain it but…."

A green bolt of plasma was hurled out of the gun and hit Church in the chest.

Church: "OH MY GOD THAT BURNS! OH DEAR GOD IT HURTS! IT HURTS! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME DOC!"

Doc: "This isn't my green light gizmo thingy."

Church: "AND WOULD YOU CALL IT BY ITS REAL NAME!"

Doc: "Green light Gizmo thingy IS its technical name."

Doc noticed something lying in the corner.

Doc: "Say wait. This is my Green light Gizmo thingy but then…what's this?"

Everyone, and by everyone I mean Doc since church was too busy rolling around in pain, turned to face Caboose.

Doc: "Caboose, where did you find this thing?"

Caboose: "I told you. The sky is falling."

Doc: "Ok, care to explain?"

Caboose: "I was walking outside, innocently watering my garden…"

Church: "You mean those three rocks you put outside?"

Caboose: "Let me finish the story."

Church: "Dude you can't grow rocks! How many times do I have to tell you that!"

Doc: "Hey weren't you suppose to be rolling around in pain?"

Church: "Nah it wore off."

Caboose: "Guys, its rude to interrupt."

Church: "Yes Caboose, because you NEVER interrupt me."

Caboose: "Exactly. I think you could learn from my example."

Church: "I really need to teach him what sarcasm means."

Caboose: "Anyways, I was out innocently watering my garden, when suddenly the sky fell on my head!"

Doc: "What, you mean this thing?"

Caboose: "Exactly."

Church: "Caboose that's not the sky or a piece of a sky. It's a weapon."

Caboose: "We can ask Tucker when he gets back."

Church: "Why? Where's Tucker?"

Doc: "He went looking for Tex."

Church: "What! I should be the one to talk to her. Tucker will just tick her off!"

Church ran out of the base.

Doc: "But wait! I didn't green light you."

Caboose: "Ooh ooh can you green light me!"

Doc turned his green light gizmo thingy towards Caboose…and it exploded.

Doc: "I'm not even going to ask."

Baby Elite: "BLARG!"

Meanwhile the reds were…

Griff: "HOPELESSLY LOST!"

Sarge: "We're not. We know exactly where we are."

Griff: "Oh yah! Then where are we!"

Sarge: "Five feet in front of our base."

Griff: "Oh, right."

About two hours later…..

Griff: "WERE HOPELESSLY LOST!"

Sarge: "Were not lost. We know exactly where we are!"

Griff: "Oh yah? Then where are we!"

Simmons: "Wow dajavoo."

Sarge: "Ten feet in front of red base."

A really long time later

Griff: "HOPELESSLY LOST!"

Sarge: "We're not. We know exactly where we are."

Griff: "Oh yah! Then where are we!"

Simmons: "Wow dajavoo."

Donut: "Wow dajavoo."

Sarge: "We're in the middle of no where."

Griff: "SEE WE'RE LOST!"

Simmons: "Well at least this fic is actually going somewhere."

Donut: "dajavoo."

Simmons: "You can stop now Donut."

Sarge: "If we keep heading this way, we will eventually encounter the enemy ship."

To give you an idea, they were in waterworks. This ship was in longest.

Sarge: "Hey, what's that strange thing over there?"

Donut: "A strange thing?"

Griff: "Oh god, don't tell me that the author is only going to give us about a page in this chapter and leave us with a pointless cliff hanger."

Meanwhile…

Griff: "I KNEW IT!"

I SAID!...Meanwhile…

Mangor: "Using my expert tracking skills, and my instincts I can conclude that…I am hopelessly lost."

Mangor looked at his surroundings.

Mangor: "Ok I appear to be in a cave, near a poisoned pool that has skulls floating in it."

It then occurred to Mangor that he should perhaps step out of the cave and check his surroundings.

Mangor: "TWO BASES! Excellent. Twice as many humans to kill."

Mangor charged into red base (A/N just incase you didn't catch on, this is coagulation)

Of course all of red team went away from their base, so Mangor raided their refrigerator and moved onto blue base.

Doc: "Hm…this appears to be some kind of alien weapon."

Caboose: "Doc, the sky isn't an alien weapon. That is just silly."

Doc: "Hey, should that baby really be eating your elbow?"

Caboose: "He's just playing…what's that red stuff coming out of it?"

Mangor used active camouflage to sneak into the base.

Mangor: "Two demons? I must be in hell."

Mangor was about to attack doc when he noticed the baby elite.

Magnor: "I know that elite…he has the blood of the heretic. Condemned to finding the sacred icon for his sins…but this couldn't be? Does this mean that this planet has…"

Mangor noticed an I-pod lying in the corner. Doc had fortunately thrown it in a different corner than it was suppose to be in so Mangor didn't notice the cell phone.

Mangor: "One of the ancient relics…I must alert my brother to this."

Doc: "Say Caboose do you by any chance see a floating sword?...that's talking about his brother."

Caboose: "Doc, I think your going crazy. I don't see anything."

Doc: "Maybe because your looking at the wall."

Mangor realized that his cover was blown so left in the most inconspicuous way possible.

Mangor: "I'M NOT AN INVISIBLE ALIEN TRYING TO KILL YOU! HEY LOOK AT THAT DISTRACTION! Mangor then jumped through the window. But since blue base didn't have any windows he actually crashed through the wall."

Caboose turned around.

Caboose: "Doc I don't' know what your talking about. I don't see anything."

Meanwhile….

Griff: "YES! WE HAVE MORE THAN JUST A PAGE OF SENSLESS HUMOR!"

Sarge: "What is this?"

Sarge bent down and picked up a Nintendo DS

Griff: "That's it? And now here comes the stupid cliff hang-,"

**That was chapter 3. What will this DS do? Will Mangor ever kill a demon? Will the religious fanatics do anything in this? Where's O'Malley? What ever happened to that other covenant ship? Who ate my muffin? Where did my sanity run off to? Find out next time on RED vs BLUE! Appearance of the Covenant. Maybe by then the lazy author will find a less corny title for it.**


	4. THERE IS NO SPACE TIME CONTINUUM

**Chapter 4**

**THERE IS NO SPACE TIME CONTINUUM**

**Well, say hello to chapter four. HI CHAPTER FOUR!...in case you can't tell I am sugar hi. No I didn't eat too much candy or cake, I merely injected 14 quarts of sugar directly into my blood stream………now if you will excuse me I need to call the hospital.**

**valkyre's messenger: Silly rabbit, magical DS's don't need batteries. They run on pain! All you have to do is put Griff next to the DS and then…(the following part of this fic has been censored due to extreme violence and cruelty towards people named Griff)………or you can get double A batteries………..everything can run on double A. Except that robotic pink bunny clapping the drum that only runs on triple A that kills everyone with a machine gun. It just occurred to me I made an entire paragraph about pain, bunnies and batteries…I should probably get a therapist.**

**Linkmaster2832: Don't say that. You want to get on the DS's good side for when they help me take over the world. DS powns PSP! IT DOES I TELL YOU IT DOES! I AM NOT IN DENIAL! (Therapy is becoming an increasingly brighter option as the day goes by)**

**Don113: Of course you will. What kind of army would it be without a paycheck? By that I mean a hypothetical paycheck…Not _hypothetical_ like my army, I am just talking about hypothetical…actually I am talking about fake. But fake checks are just as good as real ones. The paper costs just as much.**

**Clark Cradic: Don't worry you still have more reviews than anyone else. (partially because you have actually posted TWO reviews for some chapters ) and there will be more than one big battle.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: FOOL! THERE IS NO UNION! I AM THE UNION AND THE SENATE! Ahem…um…yah I was practicing my O'Malley impression…and my Palpatine impression….I'm not insane. But don't bother with the union. They are all dead……not that I killed them. O'Malley did it I SWEAR!**

**Isaac Malott: Really? I figured that I could take over the world of Halo by giving the grunts extra sugar, causing chaos until every race except the grunts surrenders….but your idea is good to. And does evil Isaac require a separate fake…I mean hypothetical paycheck?**

**Mister Frodo: Of course you still get cookies. Making fun of me in your fic is a GOOD thing. By the way why did you take down your chapter 5 and re-post it? At least that's what I think happened I could have just been slightly insane and thought your fic had the number four and not five in the description…things like that happen 2 me a little too much.**

Last time on Red vs Blue

Goku powered up a really really big thingymubob of blue "energy" while Freeza gathered up a really big thing of energy that is for some reason red instead of blue, then they spent the next ten episodes yelling and making their attacks hit eacho-

Sorry wrong last time.

Last time on Red vs Blue

The priors are spreading a plague.

The country is in an epidemic, and Daniel died…again…and ascended…again…and went back to normal….again. And-

GOD DAMN IT! JUST SKIP THE LAST TIME THING

Sarge leaned down and picked up the DS.

Simmons: "What is it sir?"

Sarge: "This could be either two things. A device meant to suck souls out of people with flashing lights and cool sounds, thus addicting them, or it could be an entertainment device.

Griff: "It's both."

Sarge: "What? No one likes the DS. It's all about PSP. DS is for babies."

Griff: "Hey, PSP sucks. You would be surprised at how addictive Kirby games are. And DS also has Mario, it can play game boy games which means fire emblem galore…and."

Sarge: "Well this doesn't even have a Kirby game…or a Mario game…or a fire emblem game, whatever that is."

Fire emblem fans around the world leapt from their seats with the sudden urge of running to blood gulch with silver and killer ax's.

Sarge: "All it has is a game called, "Messing around with the space time continuum."

Griff: "Give me that."

Griff snatched the DS out of Sarge's hand.

Sarge: "DID YOU JUST TAKE SOMETHING FROM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICERS!"

Griff: "Shove off."

Donut: "Griff that's so unlike you! Even though you think those things about Sarge your too much of a wimp to actually do something about it."

Simmons: "Yah why is he suddenly more aggressive."

Griff looked over the touch screen. He pressed the touchy thingy, to the touch screen and dragged. Suddenly, a large rock flew into Simmons.

Donut: "What was that!"

Sarge: "A coincidence."

Griff started pressing random buttons and the rock spontaneously combusted.

Sarge: "DEAR GOD! THAT DEVICE CAN CONTROLL SPACE AND TIME!"

Simmons: "Griff, that thing contains unimaginable power. Give it to Sarge."

Donut: "Yah come on Griff."

Griff (dark voice): "My name isn't Griff."

Thunder clashed in the background and a million unnecessary anime style close ups appeared.

Griff (dark voice): "My name, is O'Malley!"

More thunder clashed. Random close up of Sarge, random close up of Griff. Close up of Donut followed by Griff again, then Simmons, then the pieces of the rock. Then the pink rabbit with a machine gun.

Donut: "This can't be…"

Griff: "Just kidding My name is Griff."

Donut: "Phew."

Griff (dark voice): "But that doesn't mean O'Malley isn't inside of me!"

Sarge: "That name sounds oddly familiar."

O'Malley: (I will call Griff O'Malley when O'Malley has taken over. Live with it.) FOOLS! When you turned on your radio I jumped bodies, however the author thought it would be too predictable if I went to Sarge so I went to Griff. Besides the author is obsessive about sticking to the RvB story line and if I was Sarge there AND here then something would be wrong.

Simmons: "What if rooster teeth makes you go into Griff in the actual series."

O'Malley: "Then the author will rant around saying he is psychic for a few months until we get sick of it and kill him."

Donut: "He's the author. We can't kill him."

O'Malley: "WITH THIS I CAN! Lets see, select square, ground. Effects, change ground into giant hole leading to nowhere."

The ground Simmons and Donut were standing on disappeared and they fell into what is known in Halo as, a really pointless and endless fall.

O'Malley: "Now the way I see it, my new host will be easier to control if he is satisfied, and I think he will be satisfied if he kills you in a very slow way to make up for years of abuse."

Suddenly O'Malley's head snapped down to look at the screen.

Griff: "OH MAN WE HAVE TO GO THERE!"

O'Malley: "SHUT UP! Don't you want to kill him more than you want to go there!"

Griff: "We can do that later. Just throw him down the hole until we get back to him."

O'Malley: "Why don't you throw him down the hole?"

Griff: "I'm too lazy. If someone else is going to live in my body I might as well make him do all of the hard work for me."

So O'Malley pushed a random button on the DS causing another giant rock to be lifted from the ground and this time crash into Sarge, knocking him into the pit.

Sarge: "EVEN AN ENDLESS DROP WILL NOT STOP ME FROM TORMENTING YOU! YA FILTHY DIRTBAG! AND IF YOU THINK THAT THIS FALL WILL KILL ME THAN YOUR WRONG! YOU"

Yah the idea is that as he falls down the hole he gets farther away and its harder to hear him. I think it makes sense.

Meanwhile….

Tucker pulled the warthog to a stop. Tex and Wyoming were on opposite sides of Zanzibar, both hiding behind heavy cover.

Tucker: "HEY TEX WHATS GOING ON!"

Tex: "QUIT YELLING AND TAKE COVER!"

Wyoming: "Tex I am not going to waste my last shot on him. Especially as long as you have another shot left."

Tucker ran up to Tex.

Tucker: "So you each only have one shot?"

Tex: "Yah it was his challenge. We each only get one shot in our sniper rifle and we have to kill the other."

Tucker: "And you accepted?"

Tex: "I said I accepted but I hid some ammo. I used it all though."

Tucker: "You used all of your shots but he didn't even use one!"

Tex: "No he cheated to."

Tucker: "Oh…"

Tex: "Well now that you're here you can help me. I need you to run across there and distract Wyoming."

Tucker: "That doesn't strike me as a good plan."

Tex: "Just do it."

Tucker: "Why should I?"

Tex: "I will let you see me naked if you do it."

Tucker: "Really?"

Tex: "No."

Tucker: "Well can I at least imagine…"

Tex: "Nope."

Tucker: "Well what's the point!"

Tex: "If you don't go. I SHOOT YOU!"

Tucker: "But you don't have any ammo left."

Tex: "Who says I can't reuse a bloody bullet?"

Tucker: "….."

Wyoming laughed as he saw Tucker run across the field.

Wyoming: "She's a fool if she thinks that is going to distract me!"

Wyoming focused is sniper rifle on Tex and waited.

Tucker ran up to Wyoming.

Tucker: "HI!"

Wyoming: "THAT FIEND! She KNEW that I would think that she would send you as a distraction so that I would focus on her and you could sneak up on me!"

Tucker: "No I was suppose to be a distraction."

Wyoming looked across the field and saw Tex performing the Zanzibar super jump to get on top of the tower.

Wyoming: "SHE KNEW I WOULD THINK THAT SHE TRICKED ME BY MAKING ME THINK THAT TUCKER WAS THE DISTRACTION BUT MAKING ME THINK HE WASN'T WHEN HE REALLY WAS! THE FIEND!"

Tucker: "Your over-thinking. I was just the distraction."

Tex fired at O'Malley, wounding his arm.

Wyoming: "Damn it."

Tex: "Damn that was my last bullet."

Wyoming: "YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GLITCHES!"

Wyoming shot a nearby tank in such a way that it slowly drove over to one of the fan blades.

Tex: "Why didn't you just shoot me?"

Wyoming: "Evil people never do things the obvious way."

Tex noticed she wasn't the only one on the fan.

Marine 2: "Help me…I was in the first chapter…early death…barely escaped…something horrible is here…in a map called Waterworks….author still hasn't forgiven me…for ticking him off….don't know how I survived…if only Marine…had been as lucky.

Tex: "You poor man…HEY! Sniper ammo. Awesome that's convenient.

The tank finally hit the ramp and was sent flying and spinning in the air in such a way that defied the laws of physics. Tex leaped off the fan as the tank crashed into Marine 2.

The tank continued to spin around in the air until it landed in front of Wyoming. Wyoming got into the tank and pointed the tanks cannon towards Tex.

Tucker got into the warthog.

Tucker: "Everyone knows that the warthog is the best vehicle."

Tucker moved two inches and the warthog was stopped by a pebble.

Tucker: "Oh that's right. This is Halo TWO. Author a little help please."

Suddenly, everything turned into Halo 1 graphics.

Wyoming: "WHAT!"

Tucker: "Oh yah."

The warthog charged at the tank.

The tank shot the warthog and flew in the air.

Wyoming: "Impossible, how did he survive. And what's with all for all of those pointless spins!"

The warthog landed perfectly and continued to charge.

Tucker: "Vehicles can't be destroyed in Halo 1."

The warthog rammed into the tank and pushed it into a wall.

Tucker: "And in Halo 1, the warthog doesn't stop when it crashed into another vehicle."

Wyoming managed to fire a shot that knocked the warthog into the air once again.

Tucker automatically appeared outside of the warthog.

Tucker: "And most importantly, the most powerful weapon in Halo one!"

Everyone: (gasp)

Insert one million unnecessary close ups here

Tucker pulled out the double barrel beam cannon.

Relina: "HERO!"

Hero: "WHATS WRONG WITH ME!"

Oops…wrong thing again.

Tucker pulled out…THE PISTOL!"

Wyoming: "Are you insane that things useless!"

Tucker: "Maybe in Halo 2 but not in Halo 1."

Wyoming's shields disappeared.

Wyoming: "Damn it!"

Wyoming ran out of the tank and hid behind a rock.

Wyoming: "But your forgetting that in Halo 1 you die when you are too high in the air! And while I am impressed at your ability to float in the air for so long, your time is up."

The graphics changed back into Halo 2 graphics just in time for Tucker to land without damage.

Wyoming ran up to Tucker and hit him with his gun.

Tucker slumped to the ground.

Wyoming picked up Tucker's pistol.

Tex: "Give ma break, pistols do nothing in Halo 2."

Wyoming pointed his gun at Tucker.

Wyoming: "It will be more than enough to finish off hi-,"

Wyoming was silenced as Church ran him over with the ghost.

Church: "THERE YOU ARE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR….hey what happened to Wyoming?"

Meanwhile…..

Several Elites ran over to Darlmon.

Elite: "Sir! Reignor's brutes are attacking the ship. So far though we have lost no casualties."

Darlmon was suddenly alarmed.

Darlmon: "Are you sure!"

Elite: "Yes…why?"

Darlmon: "The author didn't make us lose anyone last chapter AND this chapter…no that doesn't make sense. Something bad is going to happen I can feel it."

Suddenly the roof of the space ship was ripped up by a giant (and fluffy) teddy bear.

Darlmon: "OH MY GOD! When the author made that joke about a teddy bear named Bobo, getting his head ripped off and then turning out to have never existed, it caused a rip in the space time continuum, making a giant fluffy teddy bear. That and the rip in the space time continuum from no body dieing in two chapters. Wow that's a lot of rips."

The bear grabbed a random grunt and ate him.

"HALT FLUFFY BEAST!"

Mangor stood on a cliff above the bear.

Mangor: "I know what you have come for…" Mangor activated his beam sword.

The bear finished eating the grunt and charged Mangor.

Mangor charged

The bear charged

OH THE SUSPENCE!

They hugged.

Mangor: "Who's a cute wittle teddy weddy who isn't suppose to exist. You are. Yes you are. Yes you are."

The bear, satisfied with the attention walked away towards the sunset.

Mangor: "What a cute little bear."

Elite: "That's…weird."

Darlmon: "You don't know the worst of it. Remember I lived with him."

Mangor: "BROTHER I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS!"

Darlmon: "Why did you come here to tell me the news? You could have just called me."

Mangor: "That would be the intelligent thing to do. So obviously I wouldn't do that."

Darlmon: "Tell me after we resolve our current predicament."

Mangor: "What's wrong."

Darlmon: "The brutes are attacking."

Mangor: "Ah no problem just send some hunters to get them. HEY CAN I GET A HUNTER IN HERE!"

A hunter walked forward.

Hunter: "! 4/\/\ R34l)Y."

Mangor: "Wait…there's only one of you!"

The hunter looked to its left, as if expecting someone to be there.

Hunter: "1 6U355 50."

Darlmon: "That's impossible there has to be TWO hunters. There can never be only one."

The hunter realized this was true and exploded…quite randomly.

Grunt: "SIR! Let me fill in the hunters place."

Darlmon: "Sure, its always fun to watch grunts die."

Mangor: "How come you get angry when I kill them?"

Darlmon: "They are MY crew so only I can send them to their deaths."

The grunt walked outside, followed by a series of explosions.

Mangor: "The poor little guy."

Then there were more explosions.

Mangor: "Wow, overkill."

Then there were even more and screams of pain.

Darlmon: "Did it really take them that long to kill him?"

Then there were more explosions.

Darlmon: "I don't understand."

The explosions stopped.

The grunt walked back into the room.

Grunt: "The enemy has been terminated!"

Mangor: "WHAT! But you're a grunt! How did you…"

Grunt: "It was easy. I merely duel wielded needalers and shot the brutes until they charged me. Then I pulled out my beam sword and killed the ones that came to close and stuck the ones in back."

Mangor: "……………… grunts can't duel wield."

Darlmon: "Or carry beam swords."

Mangor: "Or carry backup weapons for that matter,"

Darlmon: "There must be a modder afoot."

Grunt: "Nope, simply a rip in the fabric of the space time continuum."

Darlmon: "THERE IS NO SPACE TIME CONTINUUM ANYMORE! THERE ARE TOO MANY RIPS!"

Elite: "You deserve to be honored for your deeds young grunt. What is your name?"

Grunt: "My name is…."

The grunt was picked up by Bo-bo the five story teddy bear and was eaten alive.

Darlmon: "Phew. Everything is back to normal."

Mangor: "Awwww. And I was just about to call him a heretic and kill him."

Darlmon: "There are more important matters brother. What news do you bring me?"

**OMG THE SUSPENSE! Yah there are a bunch of converging story points and just in case you forgot waterworks is the place that red team fell down those endless drops Halo 1 is so famous for. Anyways R&R**


	5. Marine 2

**Chapter 5**

**Marine 2**

**In the famous words of some wise man who once said something very wise that no one really cared about or bothered to remember…well no one really bothered to remember. W/e. Anyways this is chapter 5. My long term plan for this fic is to finish it before I go to away for summer, which I don't think will be too hard. I think it will be around ten chapters. It's really hard to tell with me because I keep thinking of random ideas. Anyways, R&R**

**Clark Cradic: What? A short review? (gasp) THE HORRORS! Reviews are suppose to be long and pointless who in their right mind would make short reviews? (looks at Cpt.ShaneSchofield) ok then never mind, I guess there are some people. Anyways…..yah not really much I can say in response to that so, just keep reading and reviewing. **

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Indeed, the poor little grunt. The only grunt in halo history to ever kill another living thing without aid……too many heroes die. But at least the giant teddy bear isn't hungry. That makes up for everything.**

**Isaac Malott: Well, there is an answer to that mind bending question….an answer I do not happen to know so I will make something up. O'Malley gets his ideas from….reading my fics….yah….that makes sense….if you don't think about how that's impossible or anything it makes sense. And if you don't like that explanation, just say that he gets his ideas from wherever evil Isaac gets his. **

**Val of Clan valkyre: So this is your third screen name this week? That's just a BIT odd….just a bit. Anyways my comp screws me over sometime as well. I usually find that hitting it with a large blunt object fixes the problem. That or makes it worse. I usually find that it's worse. In fact it has never gotten better…..but I am sure that one of these days it will actually help.**

**Mister Frodo: Indeed, poor, poor, poor, unfortunate grunt. And to think that he was almost done writing his will where he leaves everything including his ten million dollars to you……hey did even more dust go into your eyes? **

**Church: Hey why am I talking to you? You never gave me a review!**

Church: "That's because it's the story nimrod. Review time is over."

**Oh, why am I still talking in bold font?**

Church: "Because….you want to?"

**YES! I ADMIT IT! TALKING IN BOLD FONT IS A WAY OF LIFE FOR ME!**

Church: "……..seriously dude. THERAPY!"

Shut up.

Church: "What was talking in bold font beginning to bore you? What happened to your way of life?"

I adapted a new way of life where I kill every character that talks back to me.

Church: "………..oh……..wow…….nice come back."

Tex: "Who are you talking to?"

Church: "The author."

Tex: "You mean that magical person who you claim controls every aspects of our lives, and that we are actually characters in a fan fiction?"

Church: "ITS TRUE! FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT CRAZY!"

Tex: "Yah right. Next your going to tell me that Tucker had a baby."

Church: "Yah….about that…"

It was at this time that Wyoming decided to wake up.

Wyoming: "WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY HOW!"

Church: "Hey Wyoming. You've been asleep for a little while so here's what's going on."

Tex: "Basically the only reason your not dead is because a patrol of aliens came around, found this place, and claimed it to be of some holy significance. So we decided to keep you alive to keep you as bait."

Wyoming: "Bait for what?"

Church: "Well we killed the patrol but one got away so we're expecting a large army to come any second now."

Tex: "By we he means me."

Wyoming: "I see. At the very least I get to see you die as well."

Tex: "Nope. We laid hundreds of land mines just outside, and inside of the primary defensive parameters."

Wyoming: "Then why do you need me as bait?"

Tex: "We need them to charge through, into our line of fire and kill some off before we use the mines. And the only way to make sure they charge is if they see you in a tank."

Wyoming: "Don't you think I will use the tank to kill you?"

Tex: "The tank is pretty much dead. One shot from any weapon will tear it, and you apart."

Wyoming: "Then won't the covenant just make one shot?"

Tex: "Your at such an angle that they have to move in before shooting, while we always have a clean shot."

Wyoming: "And how long do you suppose until this patrol of theirs gets here?"

Church: "Oh it's here right now. We're just filling you in on the details so that you know why there is a huge swarm of aliens charging you."

Sure enough there was an army of brutes, jackles, and those cyborg bug thingys outside the outer wall.

Wyoming: "This is a bad day."

Tex: "I bet it is. Now get into the tank, or I will shoot you right here."

Wyoming, figuring that he had a better chance of living while in the tank, stepped in the drivers seat. Tex and Church retreated to the top level of Zanzibar.

Tucker: "So….how does this machine gun work?"

Tex: "It is simple. You aim the gun, press the trigger, and it shoots."

Tucker: "Which is the gun, and which is the trigger?"

Tex: "How can you not know?"

Tucker: "Tex, I had a fascinating child hood where instead of playing first person shooters like most kids, I played sims and online adult games. And I am proud to say that it has not messed me up in the least bit."

Tex: "……………I'm not sure if I should kill you or kick you in the balls and then kill you."

Church: "How about neither, it looks like the covenant army has decided upon their plan of action."

Brute: "So it is agreed, that as always we charge recklessly through enemy gun fire in some desperate hope that most of us will get out alive."

Jackle: "But The brutes are faster than the Jackles and the Jackles have shields. We should run in first so our shields are not wasted."

Bug: "squeert squar squeeee" (translation: (incoherent noises, most likely a heart attack))

Brute: "Yah, quit butting in. Since we're now a democracy we have to all agree about every aspect of our lives before we take any action."

Brute 2: "Are you sure that's how it works?"

Jackle: "I still say that no matter what you guys do, I won't brush my teeth with sulfuric acid."

Brute: "Aw come on! Now we can't brush our teeth either. And we can't do anything until you agree."

A smart brute decided at that point to simply step on the Jackle.

Smart brute: "There, now no one is against the idea. LETS CHARGE IN RECKLESSLY!"

Ok maybe he's not that smart.

Tex: "Church, you take as many out with the sniper rifle as you can. I will wait until the largest number of their forces possible, is on top of the land mines before remotely detonating them."

Tucker: "Are you sure you should let him have the sniper rifle?"

Tex: "With a crowd that big, not even Church could miss."

The covenant charged through the first gate.

Wyoming sat in his tank looking extremely bored.

Tucker began shooting with his machine gun, and missing every shot.

Church aimed his sniper rifle at the charging covenant.

Church: "Not even I could miss a shot like this."

Church fired.

Tex: "HOLY SHIT!"

The sniper bullet had shot, not the group of covenant, but the trigger in Tex's hand.

Tex: "HOW COULD YOU MISS!"

Church: "I DON'T KNOW I WAS AIMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! Unless the bullet came from the back of the gun it should be physically impossible!"

Tex: "I KNEW YOU WERE A BAD SHOT BUT THAT IS RIDDICULAS!"

Church: "I SWEAR THAT'S NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE IT JUST SHOULDN'T HAPPEN!"

Tex: "Great now we can't detonate the land mines."

Tex grabbed Church's sniper rifle and fired a single shot.

The bullet, passed through the skull of five brutes, ricocheted off a jackle shield, and began bouncing through the covenant forces in that manner.

When the sniper bullet finally hit a wall, all weird bugs, Jackles, and Brutes were dead.

Church: "Wow."

Tucker: "Wow."

Tex: "Lets see the author beat that."

Pft, a small feat. I snipe people with pistols.

Tex: "So?"

Halo TWO pistols.

Tex: "WHAT!"

Yup my skillz are that mad.

Tex: "Who the hell uses a pistol in Halo 2 honestly."

Oh just shut up.

Wyoming: "Well it would seem as though you killed their army."

Dead brute: "Oh no this isn't the army. This is the scout force."

Tex: "Wait then what was that other group we killed?"

Dead brute: "A bunch of brutes and jackles going to the bathroom."

Church: "Hey aren't you suppose to be dead?"

The brute exploded.

Church: "…ok then."

Tex: "We can't keep doing this. We will have to retreat."

Tucker: "Sure let me get the jeep."

Tex: "and as for you Wyoming, all I have to do is shoot that tank once and your dead."

Tucker: "Hey Tex, the jeep is gone."

Tex: "WHAT!"

Wyoming: "Well it would seem that your only way out is in this tank. And 'm not getting out, so the only way you are getting it is by shooting me, and if the bullet were to go through my head and hit the tank. You would have no means of escape."

Tex: "Well it seems we have to make a short truce. I will kill the person who stole the warthog."

Meanwhile in blue base.

Doc: "There, there Caboose. It's not that bad."

Between sobs Caboose managed to look up at Doc and respond

Caboose: "Yes it is."

Doc: "Just because the author didn't include us last chapter doesn't mean he hates us."

Caboose: "Yes it does."

Doc: "Come on turn that frown upside down."

Caboose: "I can't. I'm wearing a helmet I can't see my face."

Doc: "You mean you need to see your face in order for you to….ok never mind. I forgot how stupid you were."

Suddenly a warthog drove up to blue base.

Doc: "I guess Tucker is back."

A marine got out.

Caboose: "Hey look its Church."

Doc: "No its not it's a marine."

Marine 2: "Hello my name is marine 2. I was suppose to have died several times in this fic but I have managed to barely escape with my life. The author has something against me for calling him lazy in the first chapter. There's not much time left until he realizes that I am still alive."

Doc: "Wait, why wouldn't he realize that you were alive now?"

Marine: "I think I can best answer that question with a flash back."

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "That is one lazy author."

Pilot: "NO! Don't anger the author. Something bad will happen."

Suddenly the Spartans chest exploded. The flood had hollowed out the armor and several parasites managed to cram themselves inside.

Marine 2: "Awwwwww they're so cuuuuttttteeee."

The Flood apparently didn't like being called cute and jumped on the marine….

UNFLASHBACKIFY

After that the author said, and we all know what happens from there. But what really happens….

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "Aw your all so cute."

The marine tried to pet one of the flood making it explode, making the marine fall out of the drop ship.

Marine 2: "AHHHHHHH!"

Gandalf appeared out of no where and dived down at the marine.

Marine 2: "HURRAH I'M SAVED!"

Gandalf hit the marine with his sword.

Marine 2: "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!"

Gandalf: "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were the balrog."

Marine 2: "Sorry dude you got the wrong, dangerously long fall."

Gandalf: "Sorry for hitting you with my sword."

Gandalf disappeared leaving the marine to fall down alone.

The marine became aware of someone there other than him.

An elite was talking on his cell phone while falling down.

Mangor: "I know. I just had an encounter with those brutes. Long story short I'm kind of falling to my death here. Of course, this is a reeeeaaaalllly pointlessly long fall. The kind of fall that you would only see in Halo. I could starve to death before I hit the ground."

Suddenly, several covenant ships warped right below the marine. The marine landed without taking any falling damage.

Marine 2: "Wow, I'm alive. The split space rupture must have made a glitch that took away my fall damage."

Then another ship warped into a building next to the ship the marine was on. A segment of the building crashed into the other ship.

Marine 2: "EEP!"

The marine managed to crawl through a hatch and take shelter inside of the ship.

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Doc: "I don't see what that has to do with the author not being able to see what you do."

Marine 2: "I'm getting to that."

FLASHBACKIFY

As the covenant ship flew into orbit, the marine took advantage of the moment and took an escape pod towards the surface.

Computer: "Welcome to the covenant escape pod. Where would you like to go?"

Marine 2: "Blood gulch, red base."

Computer: "I am sorry but that is not an available location."

Marine 2: "Blood gulch blue base?"

Computer: "I am sorry, but the only place this can take you is to the great journey."

Marine 2: "Wait, but that means…."

The escape pod blew up right above Zanzibar.

UNFLASHBACKIFY!

Doc: "I still don't see how."

Marine 2: "I landed on the roof of Zanzibar, and I found THIS!"

The marine pulled out a black berry.

Doc: "But that's…a plot device."

Caboose: "No Doc, that's an I-pod."

Doc: "Caboose, just shut up and take care of the elite baby."

Marine 2: "This device can read other peoples minds. And can tell what people are doing. I must warn you about the orange one."

Doc: "The orange one?"

….Meanwhile….

Griff stared over the Religious fanatic Oreo mines.

Griff and O'Malley: "At last…the power to make everything mine….this will be but a small test of my power……..WHY THE HELL ARE WE TALKING IN SYNC!"

**Yah I know I only got two parts of the story in on this chapter, but don't worry you will find out what happened to red team next chapter. Anyways R&R.**


	6. Blatant rip offs

**Chapter 6**

**Blatant Rip Offs**

**Yah anyways I posted a one shot Naruto fic, but it has spoilers BEWARE OF SPOILERS DAMN IT! Anyways thanks to you guys (the readers) my hypothetical army took over Australia. Except no one knows. In face the people in charge before I took over are still in charge, and not even they know. In fact not even my army knows…but that doesn't mean it isn't taken over…even if there isn't any real difference……..**

**Undertaker316: Well here is another chapter. My fics aren't necessarily the funnies out there…..but if you go around TELLING people that they are, I will give you a cookie.**

**Clark Cradic: I know I have seen the awesome….SNAKE! And thx for the advice, I will try to keep most of my jokes at a possible level. But, for the next couple of chapters (and the first scene of this one) expect at least some insanity. What else are the plot devices good for? And no I wouldn't have seen your friends because (cries) I am a horrible procrastinator and I haven't even gotten the wireless connection for the X-box 360 (thank god I have halo on comp)…….hey why are there a bunch of people with torches and pitch forks at my door?**

**Val of clan valkyre: There is only one magical DS in existence and unless you can take it from O'Malley you can't really get it. And if you CAN snipe people with a Halo TWO pistol….then…wow…I mean…the Halo 2 pistol is an abomination. WHY COULDN'T THEY KEEP THE OLD PISTOL!**

**Isaac Malott: The plot device can only do so much. I mean, just because it can bend time and space doesn't mean it can make a baby elite grow up. That would be silly. I don't put impossible things into my fics do I….yah I'm completely ignoring the slow motion jokes, the switching to Halo 2 jokes, the plot hole jokes, and the HOW IS THAT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE jokes……yah…ok then never mind that sounds like my kind of plan.**

**Duo: "Well not that Australia is under my control we can get on with the fic."**

**Sekah: "Um…Duo…"**

**Duo: "What?"**

**Sekah: "It isn't showing the story it's showing us talk."**

**Duo: "It is? Must have plugged in a wire where it didn't belong or something."**

**Sekah: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! ITS SIMPLY A MATTER OF WHAT YOU TYPE THERE IS NO WIRE THAT CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN"**

**Penguin God: "What's going on?**

**Sekah: "Duo's screwing up the fic."**

**Duo: "It's my fic I can do what I want."**

**Sekah: "Why don't you just fix it."**

**Duo: "HOW!"**

**Penguin God: "Why not just type what's going on in the story?"**

**Duo: "THAT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA! Sekah, why didn't you think of that?"**

**Sekah: "I AM GOING TO RIP YOU HEAD OFF AN-**

Marine 2: "-usly bending space and time, and allowing the user to do whatever he wishes."

Doc: "Wow, thanks for just describing to me in full detail how plot devices work and how anyone can build them in a step by step description."

Marine 2: "No problem."

Doc: "And its not like the author did anything to stop the reader from seeing that part of the fic, so everyone who reads the fic can make their own plot device."

Marine 2: "Exactly."

MWUHAHAHAHAHAH! I am so evil.

Doc: "Anyways what exactly did you mean by, beware of the orange one?"

Marine 2: "Oh that's right! At the end of last chapter we were at a cliff hanger. I wonder when the author will go back to that scene…"

Meanwhile…back to wherever the hell we were at the end of chapter 5…..

Griff slowly walked towards the fanatics.

Red Fanatic: "HALT! THEE WHO IS NEITHER BLUE OR RED! WHAT IS IT THAT YOU HAVE COME HERE FOR!"

O'Malley: "We have come to claim this land. And make you our loyal slaves. By our I mean mine. All this idiotic host needs is the Oreos you make."

Griff: "Yah you can take over the world and all but I need my Oreos."

Blue Fanatic: "NEVER! THESE OREOS ARE MADE AS SACRIFICES TO THE GREAT AUTHOR! WHOS DIVINE POWER ILLUMINATES THE…"

Griff: "Wait aren't you suppose to worship a flag?"

Red Fanatic: "Yah that to. Remember we can have as many gods as we want."

O'Malley: "Then just make me one of your new gods!"

Red Fanatic: "WHY SHOULD WE!"

O'Malley: "Because I have a really good evil laugh."

Blue Fanatic: "Oh…ok…I suppose there's nothing wrong with having three gods."

DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM!

After a million unnecessary close ups, our favorite fanatic steps up to address his fellow fanatics.

Purple Fanatic: "He was the demon in the battle of the Blood Gulch Hill, that tried to separate us from this purple flag!"

Fanatics: (gasp)

Purple Fanatic: "This purple flag has united our people for generations!"

O'Malley: "You only got it two fics ago how could it unite any other generations?"

Purple Fanatic: "AND NOW HE HAS COME TO TEAR US APART!"

O'Malley: "No, no, no. You got it completely wrong. You're the only one I am going to tear apart."

Purple Fanatic: "Just try me."

In a blatant Matrix rip off, O'Malley and the purple fanatic ran at each other shooting with magnums.

The two hit each other in mid air and fell down, still shooting over the others head.

Purple Fanatic: "Your empty."

O'Malley: "So are you."

Purple Fanatic: "No I'm not." The fanatic shot O'Malley in the arm.

O'Malley: "OW THAT HURT! Oh well. NOW you are empty."

The fanatic switched to his alternate weapon, the purple flag.

O'Malley pulled out the DS.

O'Malley: "Lets see how many movie/game/anime rip offs the author cam make in this one fighting scene."

The fanatic charged at O'Malley.

Purple Fanatic: "DANCE OF THE CRESENT MOON!"

O'Malley: "What? A Naruto rip off!"

The Purple Fanatic appeared above O'Malley and descended using his flag as a sword.

O'Malley quickly used the touch screen of the DS to throw the fanatic against the wall.

O'Malley: "HAH! You can't win."

The Fanatic disappeared in a puff of smoke.

O'Malley: "What? A shadow clone?"

The real fanatic ran out from behind a rock, raising the flag as a weapon. But O'Malley easily side stepped and kicked the fanatic.

O'Malley: "You fool! The two screens of the DS make me virtually omnipotent."

Religious Fanatic: "Damn, the only way I can win is if I make up some fake, sad flash backs. Come on flash backs."

FLASHBACKIFY

Morphious: "You are the one."

Purple Fanatic: "I am?"

Morphious: "No I was talking to Neo."

Purple Fanatic: "Oh."

Different Flash Back

Bad guy: "Well Mr. Purple Fanatic, I have placed you in an easily escapable situation involving an exotic and slow death. What will you do now?"

UNFLASHBACKIFY

O'Malley shot the Fanatic at point blank range with a shot gun.

Everyone: (GASP)

Purple Fanatic: "You…Bastard…you interrupted…the flashback…what kind of fiend are you?"

O'Malley: "The names O'Malley. James, O'Malley."

Purple Fanatic: "Damn, that's three rip offs that I've counted so far in this one fight…not bad."

O'Malley: "Your time is over. It ends now."

Purple Fanatic: "That's where your wrong. Knowing the author he will probably switch scenes to create an unnecessary cliff hanger."

O'Malley: "Damn your right!" O'Malley reached for the DS just as-,"

Sarge: "I CAN'T BELIEVE THE AUTHRO DIDN'T INCLUDE US IN THE LAST CHAPTER! After all of my patronage. HOW COULD HE BETRAY ME!"

Simmons: "Sir, you don't even know what that means."

Sarge: "Yes I do…It means…that if you don't shut up I will throw you off this ship."

Sarge, Simmons, and Donut were sitting on top of the Achilles. You know the human warship I only included in the first chapter.

What had happened was, as they fell, the warship was flying out of the hole. They landed without taking any fall damage. And the Ship was flying towards an unknown location.

Donut: "Lets look at the bright side. We aren't dead!"

Sarge: "Quit being an optimist. You should always be a pessimist."

Donut: "What if it's the happiest day of your life?"

Sarge: "Think of how sad it is that, there won't be any day of your life that is happier."

Donut: "What if Griff died?"

Sarge: "No one to torture."

Donut: "Got to sleep with Tom Cruise."

Sarge: "I have plenty to be miserable about although I'm not sure about you."

Donut: "Getting one million dollars."

Sarge: "Isn't two million dollars."

Donut: "Getting two million dollars."

Sarge: "Isn't one million dollars."

Donut: "You could throw the first million away."

Sarge: "But then it wouldn't be two million dollars anymore."

Donut: "Yah, well, um…I give up."

Sarge: "What about you Simmons?"

Simmons: "I totally agree with you sir. Being a pessimist is the way to go."

Sarge: "So you have no harsh feelings over the fact that I view our survival in the pessimistic sense, as you not dieing."

Simmons: "None at all Sarge."

Sarge: "And that I view your ass kissing, as you having an excuse to talk and annoying me to death."

Simmons: "Um, do you want me to stop ass kissing?"

Sarge: "Of course not. Kiss ass at will."

Simmons: "Thank you sir, that is am amazing order. You keep on proving what a good leader you are."

Sarge quickly grabbed Donut.

Sarge: "Just so that we're clear, the order kiss ass at will doesn't apply to you."

Donut: "Awww…"

Simmons: "Hey Sarge, this is a human ship. Right?"

Sarge: "Yes."

Simmons: "Then aren't these our allies?"

Sarge: "Of course not. This ship belongs to the blues."

Simmons: "How do you know?"

Sarge: "Because it doesn't belong to the reds."

Simmons: "How do you know?"

Sarge: "Because it belongs to the blues."

Simmons: "But how, but, but but………yes sir your logic is flawless."

Donut: "Hey guys, what's that thing?"

A flood zombie crawled up the side of this ship.

Sarge: "That is what the army calls a marine."

More zombies started climbing up.

Donut: "Doesn't it look a bit…dead?"

Sarge: "Of course not. It is as alive as ever. Look at it slowly walking towards us."

Donut: "And what are those tentacle things on it?"

Sarge: "Some kind of new age weapon."

Simmons: "Sir, I think those are the zombies we encountered in chapter two."

Sarge: "Really?"

Simmons: "Yes sir. But don't worry. Griff forced me to see a lot of cheesy zombie movies. And we won't make the same mistake the characters in those make. Hey where's Donut?"

Donut was approaching a little girl who was in the feeble position.

Donut: "It's ok. Everything is all right."

The girl didn't respond.

Donut: "How about I lower my weapon, assuming your alive, and carelessly approach you."

Girl: "…"

Donut: "Oh come on. Turn that frown upside down."

The girl turned around to reveal she was eating a human arm.

Donut: "See it's ok now."

Sarge: "DONUT! QUIT PLAYING WITH LITTLE KIDS AND GET OVER HERE!"

Donut: "OK! Sorry little girl. I have to go now. We can play later."

Donut skipped happily towards Sarge, still completely oblivious about the zombie girl.

Sarge: "How do we kill them?"

Simmons: "Well in the movies, you have to shoot their heads."

Sarge: "Great idea. In halo head shots are the best kind. And it's not like in Halo, shooting flood in the head do absolutely nothing."

………………..five minutes later……………….

Sarge: "WE WASTED ALL OF OUR AMMO!"

Simmons: "I don't get it, we shot all of our bullets at their heads. And only one died."

A single flood parasite jumped into the dead zombie and reanimated the corpse.

Sarge: "What else do you know about the movies."

Simmons: "Well, zombies are slow. And only an idiot can get bitten because they move at two miles a year. And simply hitting them with their guns should kill them."

Sarge: "Great. It's not like melee attacks do nothing to flood in Halo."

………………………..5 seconds later…………….

Sarge: "Simmons your plans have completely backfired so far. Not a single one is dead."

Simmons: "Don't worry. The only way they can hurt us is by biting us. And none of these guys have mouths."

Sarge: "Great, It's not like in Halo, flood are incredible evil alien zombie ninjas of doom that can knock us fifty back with one…"

A single flood hit Donut into Sarge, Who flew into Simmons, and they were all pushed out of the ship.

Sarge: "NO! NOT ANOTHER POINTLESS FALL!"

The three landed on solid ground.

Donut: "Where are we?"

Sarge: "We are at red base blood gulch."

The three looked around and sure enough they were at blood gulch.

Simmons: "Wow. What are the odds?"

Several drop ships flew out of the Achilles.

Sarge: "It looks like we have company."

………………Meanwhile……….

Darlmon: "We have finished gathering all forces necessary for attacking the Spartans.

Mangor, you shall lead the attack by ground, and I shall lead by air."

Mangor: "All right."

Darlmon: "But not this chapter there's not enough time."

Mangor: "DO'H!"

Darlmon: "What?"

Mangor: "Nothing. Just another blatant rip off."

Darlmon: "Isn't the joke blatant rip off a blatant rip off of legendary frogs flash movies?"

Mangor: "………shut up."

**Yah, this was chapter 6. In case you haven't noticed. This fic will be more than seven chapters long OMG! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! Yah I know its creepy. Well anyways, read and review.**


	7. Setting up the Stage

**Chapter 7**

**Setting up the stage**

**REMEMBER CHAPTER 8 WILL BE UP TOMMAROW!... yah anyways I FINALLY got a wireless adapter for my X-box 360. The problem was, that the X-box wasn't set up ANYWHERE close to where it would receive a good enough signal. So that was a HUGE waste of my money!... Oh well I still have Halo for the PC multiplayer. **

**Val of clan valkyre: Of course there will be more rip offs, I'm not sure what of though. And don't worry, eventually you will get your hands on the magical DS. All you really have to do is bribe O'Malley with….I don't know. Part of Europe or something.**

**Stab 101/Isaac/Evil Isacc/Isacc/Mallot/ Some guy? I'm not sure what you mean. O'Malley IS in the story………If your wondering if he is going to do something that relates to the other RvB chars…that happens in afew more chapters. Thse chapters are building up to that. **

**Clark Cradic: My halo 1 Screen name is Shinigami, and Penguin god's is Truth. And no I'm not in a clan. The point of the matter is, that Hayate rocks, and that other guy with the sunglasses, who's name I can never seem to remember rocks as well……you know that other guy….came in to help Kakashi and Gai fight off the sound nins…..You know the guy who's name they only say once or twice the entire series. Yah that guy.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: I know. It's all a conspiracy. THE GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING FLORIDE IN OUR WATER! ITS TRUE I TELL YOU ITS TRUE!...and for the record I did NOT completely steal that joke from the original series….or maybe I did….I don't know anymore my sanity has finally left the confines of my mind. I thought that happened years ago but I was dead wrong! Now I am hearing a small voice in the back of my head. I think its my conscience. It tells me to burn things………..Isn't it amazing how, at the end of this reply it had nothing to do with your review? Oh and you haven't said Ha Ha in a while. Which must mean that…….YOUR AN IMPOSTER!**

Church: "Accusing your reviewers of being imposters…dude that's an all time low."

Why is it that Church is the only character that sees my replies to the reviewers?

Church: "How should I know? It's your story."

Tex: "Church, are you talking to your imaginary friend again?"

Church: "HE'S REAL I TELL YOU!"

In case you can't remember…..or you don't have something called an attention span, Wyoming is driving in a tank back to blood gulch. Tex is in the ghost, aiming her weapons at the tank in case of any sudden move, and Church and Caboose are sitting on the moving tank.

Wyoming: "Well we're almost there. But once we get there what are you going to do with me?"

Tex: "Take you prisoner, and keep you locked up until you are of use to me."

Wyoming: "In other words you are going to kill me, and then repair the tank to use it as a weapon."

Tex: "Pretty much."

Meanwhile……

Tucker: "I wonder why this tank doesn't talk the way Sheila does."

Sheila: "Yes Andy, I agree, the author does not use us enough in the story."

Andy: "I KNOW! I mean, I'm a permanent character aren't I?"

Sheila: "Actually, Rooster Teeth is only going to keep you around until they use you to blow up and send everyone into the future, also known as Halo 3."

Andy: "Ah shut up."

Back to the story………

Church: "Well it's not like the author got bored of your purpose here and decided he will do something to kill you off."

Meanwhile….again….a little bit away.

Random Grunt 264: "Wow I'm bored. Maybe I should just shoot my needler randomly into the air so that if a tank that is at one shot away from blowing up comes anywhere near me carrying an idiot, a jerk, and a mercenary, I will kill three humans."

Random Grunt 123: "Wow that was surprisingly elaborate, as if some being in a higher plane of existence wanted to make a joke out of that."

Random Grunt 264 fired all of his needles into the air.

Tucker: "Church, why is the sky pink?"

Church: "Oh crap, GET OFF THE TANK!"

Tucker and Church jumped off the tank.

(-insert large explosion here-)

Church: "……is he dead?"

Church looked up to see that Wyoming had used something called common sense, to shoot down the pink needles with his large cannon.

Church: "oh….that works I guess."

Wyoming aimed his cannon at Church.

Tex: "Don't make me kill you."

Wyoming: "If you shoot me, I shoot him."

Tex: "Go ahead, I don't care."

Church: "The sad thing is she probably isn't kidding."

Church looked at his sniper rifle carefully.

Church: "When I try to hit something, I miss…so maybe….If I aim away from the tank…."

Church aimed his rifle at the sky and fired.

The sniper bullet hit Tex, who fell off the ghost.

Tex: "WHAT PART ABOUT, NEVER TOUCH THAT RIFLE AGAIN, DO YOU FAIL TO UNDERSTAND!"

Church: "Maybe If I aim at tex…"

Meanwhile….

Random Grunt 264: "Wow, what a pretty explosion."

Random Grunt 123: "I know, but what caused it?"

Just then a sniper bullet killed random grunt 264.

Church: "Maybe if I aim at Tucker."

Random Grunt 123: "OH MY GOD! MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD IS DEAD!"

Then a sniper bullet killed Random Grunt 123.

Church: "Wow, I wonder what those last two bullets hit. Oh well, only one shot, and only one other person to aim at."

Church pointed the rifle at his head, which is rather hard considering the length of the rifle and where the trigger is, and fired.

At that point, something unbelievable happened, that would forever change the way we think of Red vs Blue.

Church hit his Target.

Not the tank, mind you. He succeeded in shooting his own head.

At this time, I would like to remind you of a quote in So you love Caboose, What is wrong with you!

_Sheila: "Church you may want to consider switching weapons. My data banks say that you have a 99.9 chance of messing up the mission."_

_Church: "Well at least I have SOME chance of hitting someone with this."_

_Sheila: "The last .1 is that your aim will be so bad it somehow disrupts the fabric of space and time, thus killing all of us."_

You guessed it.

Meanwhile….

O'Malley: "Now to end your miserable life, you worthless fanatic!"

Suddenly, everything started Shaking.

O'Malley: "What's going on?"

Purple Fanatic: "Now's my chance to get away. Fare well my people. I shall return to liberate you one day."

Purple fanatic ran way as O'Malley desperately reached for his DS.

O'Malley: "A powerful force is disrupting the space time continuum. I must use all of my energy to advert this incident…."

Griff: "That sounds like a lot of work. Do we have to?"

O'Malley: "Must…fix…this….mess……."

Fortunately, O'Malley was evil enough to use the DS to change time and space itself, so Church, instead of shooting himself in the head, shot himself in the kneecap, which in retrospect is probably much more painful.

Church: "OH MY GOD MY LEG! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!"

Tex: "Ah scew this."

Tex threw a grenade at Wyoming.

Wyoming: "Why didn't you just do that earlier?"

Tex: "Beats me."

The tank blew up in large, pretty flames. Did I mention the flames were pretty?

Tucker: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHEILAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Church: "TUCKER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOUR ACTING LIKE CABOOSE!"

Tex: "That should have killed him, but I don't see a corpse….how odd."

Wyoming: "It looks like Tex didn't know about the tanks ejector seat."

Tex looked up to see what like a parachute.

Tex: "Hey, a large bed sheet floating up in the air for good target practice."

Tex pulled out her magnum and shot through the "bed sheet" leaving any unfortunate people, using the "bed sheet" such as Wyoming, to fall a long, painful fall.

Tex: "Well that was an odd series of events. Come on we can make it to the base on foot at this point."

Church: "Does that mean I can drive the ghost?"

Tex: "Of course not."

Church: "But my leg is bleeding. I can't run."

Tucker: "How about a piggy back ride?"

Church: "I suppose that could work."

Tucker: "YAIIIIIIIIII"

Tucker jumped on Church's back, who fell over as soon as the extra weight was added.

Tucker: "Your not very good at this Church."

Church: "I'm the one who' suppose to go on your back."

Tucker: "The best way to do this would be to take turns. ME FIRST!"

Church: "I hate you and I wish you were dead. AND WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE CABOOSE ALL OF A SUDDEN!"

Tucker: "I don't know. Maybe I hit my head too hard when I jumped off the tank."

Back at wherever the hell O'Malley was…….

O'Malley: "Damn that nuisance got away from me. No matter. I got what I needed."

Griff: "The Oreos?"

O'Malley: "No not the Oreos." O'Malley smiled evilly.

Griff: "Then what?"

O'Malley: "ARMY! LET US MOVE ON TO BLOOD GULCH! THERE IS MUCH WORK TO DO!"

The religious fanatics all saluted O'Malley and music sounding suspiciously like the music that Star Wars uses when a $#!7 load of Clone troopers are standing in like starts to play.

Griff: "I still don't get it. Why did we come here?"

O'Malley: "There is something HORRIBLY WRONG WITH YOU!"

While back at Red base, Sarge Simmons, and Donut were killing off flood while defending the roof of their precious red base.

Sarge was killing flood with his Shotgun.

Simmons was shooting flood with his SMG's.

Donut……was having some difficulty.

Donut: "I don't get it. Our human weapons kill them easily, but here I am using TWO covenant weapons. And they haven't done a thing."

Donut had been shooting a single flood (not flood zombie, flood) for about two hours with twin plasma rifles.

Sarge: "Ah screw it this is taking too long."

Sarge ran over and shot the flood.

Donut: "ZOMG! HOW COULD YOU! KILL STEAL KILL STEAL!"

Sarge: "Donut that is completely out of character! Say something more like yourself."

Donut: "Can I shave your back?"

Sarge: "Never mind then, don't act like yourself."

Suddenly, the RvB characters realized that the author used the word Suddenly way too much….and then right after that a covenant ship suddenly warped above blood gulch.

Then ANOTHER covenant ship suddenly warped above blood gulch.

Ghosts, Wraiths, and ground troops started coming out of, pretty much no where.

Sarge: "Once again, the author has turned blood gulch into a battle field to set up the scene of the next chapter, where there is sure to be a bloody and pointless battle. BLESS HIS SOUL!"

At the top of Blood Gulch, O'Malley gathered his fanatics.

Fanatic: "How did we get up here?"

O'Malley: "I don't know maybe it's a mod."

Noob Fanatic: "HEY HOW DID YOU GUYS GET UP THERE!"

A single Fanatic stood in the middle of blood gulch.

Noob Fanatic: "OMG YOU GUYS HAX! YOU NOOBS! YOU FUCKING NOOBS! GET A LIFE YOU NOOBS! YA FUCKING NERDS! YA-,"

Since NO BODY likes people who keep cursing and blathering on like that on ANY multiplayer game, Mangor took the liberty to hack the fanatics head off.

(A/N: Penguin God and I agree, that there are WAY too many people like that)

Mangor: "Darlmon, I have made it to blood gulch. I am leading the ground forces against the flood, the demons, and the brutes. I just killed a minor demon to. ISN'T THAT AWESOME!"

Darlmon: "Indeed. Beware, the brute's leader is probably somewhere in the battle."

Mangor: "For some reason, I think I will have a fierce battle with a worthy opponent. A good chance to see what this plot device I stole does."

In blue base

Marine 2: "….Someone is here of great importance."

Doc: "Huh?"

Marine 2: "You must stay here and defend this base. Don't use the cell phone plot device until the time is right!"

Doc: "Huh?"

Marine 2: "No. Don't try to stop me. This is something I must do on my own."

Doc: "I'm not trying to stop you…"

Marine 2: "PLEASE YOU MUST UNDERSTAND! I HAVE TO DO THIS! IT'S THE ONLY WAY!"

Marine 2 ran out of the base, leaving Doc, very, very, very, confused.

Mangor ran at a brute, and cut ran his sword through the tough muscle and flesh. Notice, how I didn't even bother saying bone or fat BECAUSE BRUTES ARE MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF MUSCLE AND FLESH!

Brute: "Its Batosai the man slayer!"

Mangor: "No I'm Mangor the heretic slayer."

Brute: "The ancient unarmored Samurai."

Mangor: "I'm wearing armor, it's black."

Brute: "Master of the heitan mitsurugi style. WE CAN'T BEAT THE BATOSAI!"

Mangor: "I told you my name is Mangor!"

Brute: "Your name is KENSHIN!"

Mangor: "I thought you said it was Batosai."

Brute: "YOU DON'T WATCH RORONIN KENSHIN!"

Mangor: "Um…I guess not."

Brute: "YOU SHALL DIE!"

Mangor killed the brute with a flick of his sword.

Mangor: "That was odd."

Mangor looked up to see a marine.

Marine 2: "You are the one…."

Mangor: "For some reason, I think that you will be a worthy adversary."

O'Malley: "Excellent, a cliff hanger!"

**Next time on Red vs Blue**

**Purple Fanatic seeks help from a past friend, **

**Darlmon comes face to face with the Brute's leader.**

**Mangor and Marine 2, have a fight that rips off many animes (mainly Naruto) with and end you WON'T BELIEVE!**

**Marine 2: "Mangor, I am your father."**

**Actually that has nothing to do with next chapter, nor is it true. But if you want to find out what really happens, then look for this fan fiction TOMOROW! Yes that's right TOMOROW! And I mean it. **


	8. OC face off

**Chapter 8**

**OC face off**

**As expected I didn't get as many reviews as I would have liked. I suppose it can't be helped when I post two chapters right after each other. Remember guys next chapter the reviewers come in. Mister Frodo, Clark Cradic, Isaac Malot, Val of clan Valkyre, Cpt.ShaneSchofield, and The One True Koneko if she reviews again within the next week (honestly I don't know what happened 2 her) so if you 4 some reason DON'T want to be in the next chapter, tell me in your review. If you have reviewed once or twice, don't get ticked. All you have to do is review constantly so that u can be put in me NEXT red vs blue fic. Also on a side note, I am the only person in fan fiction with 3 RvB fics………I AM THE KING OF RvB! MWUHAHAHAHAH**

**Val of clan Valkyre: Morrowind is the game right b4 oblivion right? I'm not sure how you can kill people with lock pics….maybe stuff them down someone's throat at night? Anyways, yah, it is rare for me to post on the EXACT day I say I will, but this is an exception to that rule……and one of these days I will have a 9 tailed fox parody but, it will probably be brief like my Batosai joke last chapter.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield, ok I guess you are the real captain…….. good ole flame throwers and dynamite never let you down. The flash back to last story was my savoir. I needed something funny to happen with Church's sniper rifle aim, and I needed an excuse so that purple fanatic could get away (my previous excuse wasn't funny, and we can't have that now can we) and, I think, you should stop burning the fake captains corpse….I mean that seems like overkill….hey r u listening 2 me. **

**Exploringtheheart: If it wasn't for pointless, sword moves, flips, doges, falls, and stand offs, what would movies be like today! The Matrix wouldn't exist! WOULDN'T EXIST!...I seem a bit insane this morning. I guess that is what happens when you right 2 chapters within a 2 day time frame, I don't know how the Naruto fic writers do it.**

**Final Fantasy Mech Eater: Why a sponge? I much prefer a flame thrower. Or just various sharp implements. And Mangor doesn't ALWAYS have to kill people while yelling heretic. 99 of the time is good enough…and no I don't play custom edit.**

In the shadowy lands in which battles were once thought, a great battle between man and beast will slowly form. Long since the battle of marines shook the earth itself, two great forces prepare to collide.

Bobo: "ROAWR (translation, FOOD)"

The pink armored hero slowly turned to the bear.

Karin: "YOUR SO FLUFFY!"

Bobo realized that he could not eat something that would constantly hug him, so he did the smart thing and ran away from Karin as fast as he could to find different food.

Karin: "How odd, a giant bear attacking me could only mean the author has started a new story. It does make sense his seven chapters were over a chapter ago so this must be the first chapter of the new story."

Karin turned her attention to a shadowy figure behind her.

Purple Fanatic: "Karin, I need your help."

(-queue suspenseful music-)

While in blood gulch a battle of epic proportion was about to take place. However the author is lazy and has decided to forgo the long, tedious explanation.

Mangor pulled out a beam sword and an I-pod.

The Marine pulled out a beam rifle and a black berry.

The I-pod started playing typical anime action music.

Mangor: "DIE HERETIC! KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Marine 2: "WHAT! The author used the actual Japanese name! This is bad, there's no telling what else this guy can do."

Marine 2 quickly shot the Mangor clones. All of which disappear. It was then that the Marine noticed that there was another shadow other than his on top of him.

Mangor: "I HAVE YOU!"

The marine blocked with his beam rifle.

Mangor: "How can you block with a sniper rifle!"

Marine 2: "I, Don't, Know."

Mangor leapt back a few feet.

Mangor: "How is it that you knew I was above you."

Marine 2: "Elementary my dear Watson. Since you are playing anime music, and whenever anime Samurai disappear they are above their enemy, I knew that you were in fact above me. Not only that but I saw your shadow….and you yelled I HAVE YOU! so that even if I didn't notice I would have known where you were."

The marine looked up to see that Mangor had used his long, pointless explanation to change locations.

Marine 2: "This is going to be hard…"

While, very close to them there was another battle going on.

Reignor: "DARLMON! You can not possibly defeat me! The authors least favorite, and least mentioned OC!"

Darlmon circled the enemy wraith in his banshee.

Darlmon: "You were supposedly exiled for your sick experiments! Why did the prophets give you a ship!"

Reignor: "Do you not see you fool? The prophets ENCOURAGED my sick experiments!"

Darlmon: "The prophets! NEVER!"

_The author would like to take this time to show you the award winning book, How to change covenant species, by Reignor._

_To change Jackles into brutes, destroy their energy shield, stuff them with about a million steroids, and transplant actual muscles into their arms._

_To changes Brutes into Jackles, leave said brute in the sun for about a month without feeding it. Then inject twelve pints of caffeine directly into the brutes blood stream. If it somehow lives, give it an energy shield and it will be a Jackle. _

_There are many more examples of this, but for now we are going to leave it at that._

Reignor: "My experiments can turn even the most worthless grunt into a strong warrior! DON'T YOU SEE DARLMON! YOU AND I ARE THE SAME! WE ARE BOTH JUST TRYING TO HELP THE PROPHETS!"

Darlmon: "Your voice is beginning to vex me."

Darlmon's banshee flew directly at Reignor's wraith, dodging plasma as it went. At the last second Darlmon's banshee switched direction and flew into the wraiths attack.

Reignor: "HA HA I GOT YOU!"

Darlmon's body flew out of the explosion and onto the wraith.

Reignor: "What! He purposely let me hit his banshee so he could use the explosion to throw himself onto my wraith?"

Darlmon: "Um….yah I did. Why are you talking to yourself?"

Reignor desperately tried to shake Darlmon off, but Darlmon started repeatedly hitting Reignor with his fist.

Reignor punched Darlmon who fell in front of the Wraith.

Reignor: "MWUAHAHAH! NOW I HAVE YOU!"

Reignor's wraith started to charge Darlmon, but ran over the pieces of Darlmon's banshee, which weren't actually dead, just at low enough damage to blow up any second.

Reignor: "No way, the author couldn't kill me off….I'M AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER DA-"

The Banshee remnants blew up and so did the wraith.

Darlmon: "That is why they call me…actually I don't know what they call me. But now you know why I am the covenants best captain."

Random Brute: "What does this have to do with being a captain?"

Darlmon shot the brute.

Darlmon: "THAT'S FOR NOT LETTING ME HAVE MY MOMENT!"

Tex, Church, and Tucker arrived in the back of blue base.

Tucker: "Doc! Church is bleeding!"

Doc: "I'll help him right away."

Tucker: "NO! I want you to get my camera. Pictures of him crying over a bullet to the knee cap would make great black mail. I mean, the knee cap doesn't hurt that much."

Doc: "…………….I think I'm beginning to see what drove Church crazy around here."

Church: "I'M NOT CRAZY!"

Caboose: "HI CHURCH! It's been a while. Where have you been? Did you have fun?"

Church: "Caboose I was shot in the leg. HOW IS THAT FUN!"

Caboose: "There, there Church. Don't cry. Were the other kids mean to you again?"

Church: "…I hate you so much."

While back at the battle everyone is waiting for….

Mangor tried to hit Marine 2, who easily dodged and stuck a plasma grenade onto Mangor's armor.

Mangor jumped back and threw the piece of armor off as the Marine fired his beam rifle.

There was a blue explosion, and Mangor was thrown back several feet.

Mangor: "No way, as I was throwing off the armor with a plasma grenade on it, you shot the part of the armor with the plasma grenade, so that as I threw the armor, the plasma grenade just fell down behind me."

Marine 2: "Yes. The author blessed me with his aim."

Mangor: "But that doesn't explain how you could dodge my attack."

Marine 2: "This black berry lets me read your thoughts. I can predict your movements in that way."

Mangor leapt behind a rock and got an overshield.

The marine ran forward, and tossed his rifle, and Mangor's beam sword into the air.

Then they started doing pointless kun-fu moves until the marine pushed Mangor back.

Just then the beam rifle fell into the Marine's hands, and the Marine shot Mangor.

Mangor ignored the pain and charged at the Marine, with his bear hands. The marine however did a series of cool (and pointless) Matrix flips, while throwing grenades onto Mangor.

Mangor, like before threw the grenades off, and the Marine send three shots through the air.

There was an explosion….

A FRAG grenade explosion.

The plasma grenades were knocked in separate directions and exploded away from Mangor.

Marine 2: "I don't understand. I didn't throw a frag grenade."

Mangor: "I pulled the pin out right before you stuck me. So the explosion would knock away the plasma grenades."

Marine 2: "But, the black berry didn't' tell me that would happen."

Mangor: "Now your getting it."

Marine 2: "You mean to say that you were fighting based on randomness!"

Mangor: "Exactly, there was no thought process going through my head."

Marine 2: "What kind of person could pull a stunt like that without thinking."

Mangor smiled evilly.

Mangor: "Hey you know what's funny? The entire time we were fighting, surrounded by flood, elites, and brutes. No one else attacked us." Mangor switched the I-pod's anime music with funny music.

As the somewhat comedic music started to play, several flood attached themselves to Marine 2, who ran around in circles trying to get them off.

Mangor grabbed his beam sword and turned on the anime music once again as he cut through the Marine's beam rifle.

Marine: "How come the beam rifle blocked the first time but was cut in half this time?"

Mangor: "I haven't a clue."

While somewhere else……..

Karin brought her hammer down against the fanatic shield.

Purple fanatic parried the attack, and elbowed Karin.

Karin fell and did something that resembled a break dancing move to knock down purple fanatic.

Karin: "Hey why are we fighting?"

Purple Fanatic: "I don't know. Maybe its because this chapter is an OC show down."

Karin: "Well that's stupid."

Purple Fanatic: "I suppose it is. So do you want to help or not?"

Karin: "Sure. I'll help."

And back in red base….

Simmons: "SIR! We should abandon base sir!"

Sarge: "Why? We have them at bay."

Simmons: "No we don't."

The red team was out of ammo, and surrounded by flood parasite.

Donut: "Come on sir. Let's get out of here."

Sarge: "Well we listened to Simmons last time."

Simmons: "NO YOU DIDN'T!"

Sarge: "So I suppose this time I should listen to you. Great plan Donut. Lets get the hell out of here."

Red team ran over the flood parasites and through the giant battle field to reach blue base.

Griff: "Wow I never thought Sarge would retreat."

O'Malley: "SHUT UP YOU FOOL! Can't you see I am trying to enjoy the show."

Flood zombies were killing elites, elites were killing brutes, brutes were killing flood and vice versa.

Above blood gulch the three ships were engaged in combat.

Darlmon ran into the bridge.

Darlmon: "Status report."

Elite: "Sir, we have the brute ship on the ropes, but it would seem that the flood ship is besting us."

Darlmon: "We can't let the flood get away. First step, destroy the brute's ship. Rotate the ship 180 degrees!"

The redemption (elite ship) spun around so it's top was facing the condemnation.

Darlmon: "FIRE THE RIDDICULASLY BIG LASERS!"

Several beams came out of the redemption, went through the condemnation, and hit red base, wiping out most of the flood there.

The brute ship crashed into red base (good thing Sarge, Donut, and Simmons got out)

Elite: "Sir. We wasted most of our energy on that. We can't destroy the flood ship."

Darlmon: "Yes we can. Everyone evacuate the ship!"

Elite: "What!"

Darlmon: "That's an order. Get out of here."

People started running out but Elite stayed.

Elite: "Your planning to ram it."

Darlmon: "Correct."

Elite: "I see." The elite hit Darlmon over the head.

Darlmon: "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

Elite: "I was trying to knock you unconscious."

Darlmon: "Oh." The elite his Darlmon AGAIN, and Darlmon fell to the ground.

Elite: "You, generic hunter number 265, get him out of here."

Elite took controls of the ship and sad music started playing.

Elite: "Although no one acknowledges it, I am an OC! Elite is my name! I have been here since chapter one!"

The sad music continues playing.

Elite: "This is my last service to my captain. Long live Darlmon, Long live,"

Random Brute: "JUST SHUT UP AND CRASH ALREADY!"

Elite: "Fine."

There was a split second pause, and the two remaining ships crashed into each other

O'Malley: "This is turning out better than I thought. All I have to do is wait for these guys to kill each other. Then I come down and finish the winner off."

Marine 2 and Mangor in the mean time, were both worn out and exhausted.

Marine 2 grabbed a plasma pistol from a random grunt.

Marine 2: "I can use the Black Berry to put all of the weapons energy into one blast!"

Mangor: "I can use the dramatic music, to make my beam sword's energy all be used in one hit."

Marine 2 charged up his plasma pistol.

Marine 2: "YOU THERE RANDOM GRUNT!"

Grunt: "Huh me?"

Marine 2: "I need you to help me. Contain the chakra…I mean plasma in a thin layer."

Grunt: "MY HANDS WILL GET BURNED!"

Marine 2: "JUST DO IT!...Now I must concentrate. Make the plasma rotate randomly and…."

Mangor charged at the marine.

Marine 2: "NOW!"

Mangor: "CHIDORI!"

Marine 2: "RASEGAN!"

**KKKKKAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM**

Caboose: "Sorry I sneezed."

The actual explosion was something along the lines of...boom……..

Marine 2 coughed up blood.

Marine 2: "It looks like I'm through."

Mangor slowly walked over to the Marine."

Mangor: "You fought well but I win."

Marine 2 held out the bloody black berry.

Marine 2: "Here use this."

Mangor: "What?"

Marine 2: "These devices were made by the author."

Mangor: "The author?"

Marine 2: "In this world, the author controls everything. The prophets, are a lie. They are nothing."

Mangor: "That can't be true!"

Marine 2: "Yes it is….take it. Use it to read the prophets minds. It's true."

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "Hey Marine!"

Marine: "Yah?"

Marine 2: "We're going on Delta Halo today! Isn't that awesome brother!"

OTHERFLASHBACK

Marine 2: "Oh great Prophet of Regret, I wish to atone for my- NOW MASTER CHIEF!"

The master Chief jumped out from behind a pillar and started punching the Prophet repeatedly.

OTHERFLASHBACKIFY

The brute ran into marine 2.

Marine 2, stepped back.

The brute charged the marine again.

The master chief, shot the brute in the back.

Master Chief: "What kind of marine can live two hits from a Brute?"

A brute charged master Chief from behind.

The master Chief turned around, and just as the brute was about to strike, two beam rifle shots went through its skull.

Marine 2: "THAT WAS ME!"

Master Chief: "And those five were me."

Marine 2: "And those TEN were mine."

Master Chief: "Wow."

A flying duel wielding elite flew behind marine 2, who dodged the plasma and landed a head shot in on the elite.

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "The author based me on a Marine that was kick but in Halo 2 campaign. A marine who actually was good. My real name is, El Matadora."

Mangor: "Wait, you were with the master chief in the covenant ship above Delta halo? Then how did you get to the other human ship?"

El Matadora: "Let's see if the author thought of an excuse for that…"

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "SIR! Let me help you SIR!"

Master Chief: "No Marine. You have to go down to the surface. The author needs you in his fic."

Master Chief closed the escape pod door.

Marine 2: "NO LET ME HELP YOU SIR!"

Cortana: "HEY! WE ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE AN EMOTINAL GOOD BYE! NOT YOU!"

Marine 2: "oh…"

UNFLASHBACKIFY

El Matador: "I came out here despite knowing the authors intention…for me to die and to show you the truth."

Dramatic music started playing as the great Marine collapsed.

O'Malley: "This is perfect. NOW MY FANATICS! ATTACK!"

Griff: "Wow what a perfect cliff hanger, I think every OC had a fight this chapter."

Meanwhile………..

Bobo and E-bay Johnson stared each other down…. Ready for the other to make a false move.

Then Bobo got bored and ate E-bay Johnson.

**Yah, not as funny as it could have been…..Be ready 4 next chapter every1. It will be up in about a week. In the meantime, I need to go use this three day weekend to play a ridiculous and somewhat unhealthy amount of video games. **


	9. An author's army

**Chapter 9**

**An author's army**

**Yah, this is the chapter you've all been waiting for. The chapter where all of your brown nosing, bribery, and black mail pays off…..of course there is only one person who went to such great lengths to get into the story and that person was a figment of my imagination…or so he claimed. Yah anyways, I think I may be a bit of an evil person. I got Elder scrolls 4 Oblivion, and the first thing I did, was murder a bunch of innocent people, join the dark brother hood, join the thieves guild, plan out a way to kill everyone in the thieves guild and take over the dark brotherhood at the same time, and I also am trying to figure out how to kill everyone in the imperial city…. I think I may be a bit crazy.**

**Clark Cradic: So you wish, so it shall be done…except it would be morally wrong to equip a Naruto fanatic with ordinary weapons and no parodies! I'm sure you won't mind parodying Naruto in an insane person's fic. I know people who would die for that kind of opportunity…..all of whom are dead….they took it a bit too literally. **

**Val of clan Valkyre: Right, mystic lock pick of doom, and a bunch of sugar hi grunts. So in other words, an ordinary lock pick, a drop ship full of normal grunts, and a fuel rod…when you think about it, it's the same thing...then again I think we will stick with the lock pick of doom. **

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Nah, E-bay Johnson is done. He has served a purpose in life that most men could never fulfill. Being eaten alive by a giant teddy bear as a joke at the end of a homicidal, soon to be world dictator's fic…very few people could live such a dream.**

**Drew829: That's smart of you. Being near Karin's hammer is a very bad idea. Especially if she's angry. Hell I invented her and I'm still scared. This could either mean that I am completely insane or I make convincing characters. I personally think it's a little of each. **

**TenWings: Great! Another person takes interest in my fic hurray!...now it's only fair to warn you that reading my fics can lead to a loss of sanity, or death by laughing 2 much. You have been warned **

**Final Fantasy Mech Eater: I see…so you can make people's head explode with a sponge… I don't suppose this is a sponge that just absorbed a liquid form of a radioactive material, or a sponge filled with C4? **

**Mister Frodo: Don't worry, Sarcasm doesn't work that well in reviews so you are COMPLETELY off the hook….by the way, that right there was ALSO sarcasm :D. Just kidding. You shall appear in the story as I had originally planned **

**Isaac Malott: I know what you mean. No one can remember anything in Summer. Yet they still expect us to take finals! WHY! WHY MUST WE GO THROUGH SUCH PAIN AND…….what was I talking about again?**

War drums started beating…

A crow in the middle of blood gulch flew away as a mass of covenant charged over one side of a hill, yelling and screaming at the soon to come image of dead humans littering the already blood red valley.

On the other side, A single Spartan stood dramatically on a rock.

Then a $#!7 Load of marines came down from the hill behind him, charging at the covenant.

Suddenly, flood started falling from the sky on top of the charging forces.

Darlmon woke up panting.

Darlmon: "What a strange dream…yes it seems somewhat familiar. As if I had seen it while watching Mangor play War Craft 3."

Crow: "Darlmon."

Darlmon: "AH! A TALKING CROW!"

The crow turned into an old man

Darlmon: "AH! AN OLD MAN!"

Medivh: "I have come to,"

Darlmon: "Hey aren't you the crow from my dream?"

Medivh: "No that was my cousin Fred. Now shut up in listen. I have come to warn you young warchief, of a,"

Darlmon: "I'm not a war chief. I'm a captain."

Medivh: "OH JUST SHUT UP! Honestly do you know how hard it is to deliver this message to every race in War Craft 3 and be everywhere at once! IT'S HARD! Anyways you must save your people, blah blah blah, move west to Danger canyon and,"

Darlmon: "This is Halo 2 there is no map called Danger Canyon."

Medivh: "WHAT! Then what the hell am I trying to save?"

Medivh turned back into a crow and flew away.

Several Yards Away…

Sarge: "Oh look a crow. A perfect chance to prove that Shotguns can kill targets that are far away."

BANG!

Church: "Wow good shot."

It was then that Darlmon realized that he was surrounded by "demons"

Darlmon: "WHAT AM I DOING HERE! Are you hoping to keep me hostage!"

Mangor stepped out from the shadows.

Mangor: "Easy brother."

Darlmon: "Brother what is going on?"

Mangor: "Well, after killing a worthy opponent, our ship crashed into the enemy's."

Darlmon: "Now I remember…poor Elite…I will NEVER forget his bravery and courage in the front line!"

Mangor: "HEY! QUIT GIVING CREDIT TO YOUR SOLDIER AND LISTEN TO MY STORY!"

Darlmon: "Oh of course."

Mangor: "I noticed the red demons running to this base. So I followed them. I was going to attack them but the one in black convinced me that we should kill the flood before fighting each other. So we made a temporary alliance."

Darlmon: "I see. So how long was I out?"

Mangor: "About two minutes. I'm a fast negotiator."

Darlmon: "Ok, and what is the plan."

Mangor: "Well we have about 50 grunts, five elites, and two brutes left but the demons here said they have "powerful" allies."

Church: "Yah, the sacred relics you guys refer to, are tools called plot devices. We have one that can help."

Darlmon: "Why did you not use it earlier?"

Simmons: "We didn't know how it worked. Only one person ever used it before. It was lucky that…she…got here."

Mangor: "The female in black?"

Everyone pointed to the corner where Karin was glomping Caboose

Karin: "I MISSED YOU TOO CABOOSE!"

Caboose: "Who are you?"

There was a loud cracking noise, indicating that Karin had once again broken one of Cabooses ribs.

Darlmon: "I don't understand…"

Tex: "Just leave this chapter to the reviewers."

Donut: "Here Karin, I finished charging the phone."

Karin sighed.

Karin: "I still don't see how you don't understand how to use this device. There is a big green button with neon lights that says, SUMMON ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!"

Church: "So?"

Karin sighed once more and pushed the button.

Instantly the room was filled with 6 people, all wearing Matrix style cloaks.

Church: "What are the cloaks for?"

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "I have no idea."

Church: "Ok then…"

Sarge: "Listen up I have come up with a highly intelligent plan!"

Sarge pulled out a large peace of construction paper with X's O's and intersecting lines.

Sarge: "Basically you three charge down here into enemy gun fire, as you two shoot the wall over there for no particular reason. And then the short one there dies to create dramatic effect."

The "short" one stepped up.

Penguin god: "I AM NOT SHORT! Damn my brother and his annoying growth spurt."

Tex: "I see the author sent someone to give us some real instructions."

Penguin god: "Actually…his plan was the same as Sarge's… but I don't want to die so I came up with a better plan."

Everyone pretended to listen.

Penguin God: "Right, Mister Frodo will obtain a blue and red fanatic hostage, brain wash them to our side, via torture so that we can use them to convince the other fanatics.

Someone was snoring.

Penguin God: "In the mean time, Captain ha ha over there will hold back the flood, which is multiplying itself in the mint Oreo pool…oh I forgot to mention, as it turns out, if you combine dead marines, with mint Oreos and water, it will create a flood breeding ground."

Cpt.ShaneSchofield eyed the flame thrower that had mysteriously appeared in his hand.

Penguin God: "In the mean time, Val of clan Valkyre will create a distraction, so that most of O'Malley's men focus on him. He will have a squadron of sugar hi grunts to back him up."

Val: "And the lock pick?"

Penguin god: "Yes my brother said something about a lock pick of doom…good luck with that."

Val: "YAI!"

Penguin God: "Clark, Karin, and Isaac will go to O'Malley while this is taking place."

Everyone clapped.

Penguin God: "Now how many people listened to a word of that?"

……..no one raised their hand.

Penguin God: "Fine, just go do what you must. You will probably do what your suppose to do without me telling you. Oh and one last word of warning."

Clark: "Don't die?"

Caboose: "Eat your vegetables?"

Church: "Don't talk to strangers?"

Donut: "Always talk to strangers?"

Penguin God: "No….READ MY SMASH BROTHERS AND NARUTO FICS!"

Everyone sweat dropped.

Penguin God: "Duo helped me make some of them, so I HIGHLY recommend that you read them."

Everyone sensed the slightly homicidal tone and quietly went to where they were suppose to go.

Tex: "Ok, and the rest of us will get ready for when we actually do something next chapter."

Church: "So in other words, watch and drink soda."

Tex: "Pretty much."

Meanwhile…in the middle of the canyon…

Mister Frodo: "Here random blue and red fanatics…I want you to have this sniper rifle."

Red Fanatic: "Thanks. But why is there a countdown timer on it? Going down form 30?"

Mister Frodo: "Well it definitely isn't a countdown for when it's going to blow up."

Blue Fanatic: "Oh ok. I was worried there for a second."

Mister Frodo: "Oh come on. It's called sarcasm."

Blue Fanatic: "Oh….so it is going to blow up?"

The sniper rifle blew up.

Mister Frodo dragged the fanatics towards the base.

Mister Frodo: "Figures, 9 chapters in my fic and he only picks up on the exploding sniper rifle…how wonderful."

At red base, Val's drop ship touched down with about 20 sugar hi grunts.

Grunt: "AH! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

The grunts ran around shooting everything in sight…including each other.

Red Fanatic: "HALT! Who goes there!"

Val poked the fanatic with a lock pick. The Fanatic then fell to his knees and died.

Val: "This isn't quite chaotic enough…I KNOW!"

Val stood in the Juken Stance.

Val: "64 POKES! Wow I didn't expect the author to make me parody Naruto."

Val quickly poked 64 fanatics with his lock pick of doom.

All of the fanatics died instantly except for one.

Blue Fanatic: "OH GOD MY ARM!"

Val: "How did you live?"

Blue Fanatic: "DEAR GOD IT HURTS! IT HURTSSS OH HELP ME AHHHH!"

A bunch of sugar hi grunts started jumping up and down on top of the fanatics half dead body.

Blue Fanatic: "EVERY MOMENT I LIVE, I LIVE IN AGONY!"

Val: "Weird, this is suppose to kill people with just one hit…"

And at the mint Oreo cave we all know and love…

Cpt.ShaneSchofield calmly walked up to where a large mass of flood were eating dead Brutes.

The somewhat insane Captain, calmly pulled out a flame thrower, and without even blinking aimed it at the flood….before laughing madly, burning down everything in his path.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" (yes I did take that directly from a review…oh wait we're still missing the dynamite)

The captain threw a stick of dynamite into the large mass of flood.

There, now we have everything except for the melting fake captain….

BOOM!

The captain ignored the author's side comments and walked around in circles torching flood zombies.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "This is oddly addictive. I should do this more often."

And at the rock formation…….

O'Malley: "Damn! That crazy buy with the lock pick was just a distraction! Half of our fanatics are over there right now. Oh well. I still have my trusty rocket launcher!"

O'Malley then came to the realization that he hadn't used his rocket launcher the entire story.

O'Malley: "WHERE IS IT! WHERE'S MY BABY!"

Isaac: "Looking for this?"

O'Malley: "Oh no…"

Issac: "It's a shame O'Malley if only you were as evil as me. MWUHAHA AHHAHAHA!"

O'Malley: "Evil Isaac!"

Issac: "Ah, I see you recognize me evil laughter…I wonder if you remember what it's like dodging rockets being shot at you from a homicidal maniac with split personalities."

Isaac fired his rocket at O'Malley who used his DS, to make the Rockets miss.

O'Malley: "HA HA HA! As long as I have this, you can never beat me! Oh and I have a MUCH better evil laugh that you!"

Isaac's eyes narrowed.

Isaac: "You…didn't…."

O'Malley: "What's that? Are you upset because you aren't as evil as me? Just face it! My evil plans are MUCH more elaborate than yours!"

Isaac: "I KEEL j00!"

Isaac leapt at O'Malley, and as expected the scene switches over to Karin and Clark fighting off the remaining Fanatics near O'Malley.

Red Fanatic: "CHARGE!"

Karin pulled out two SMG's, and emptied three clips into the oncoming wave of fanatics, and then switched to her brute shot, and fired several shots into the oncoming crowd.

Blue team and Red team were watching this from blue base.

Tex: "I don't believe it….she effectively….managed…to singly handedly…"

Church: "MISS EVERY SHOT!"

Karin: "Why the hell did I bother with the guns?" Karin took out her most useful weapon…that's right…her hammer."

Mangor: "I seem to recall, Tarterus having something like that…..it wasn't nearly as scary when he used it."

Karin started bashing in fanatic heads while Clark shot fanatics with his needler.

Fanatic: "AH! IT'S SO PINK! IT BURNS IT BURNS!"

Blue Fanatic: "Hey instead of running away when we get hit by exploding needles, why don't we charge into him so the needles blow up him as well."

Red Fanatic: "YAI! KAMAKAZI!"

Clark switched to his handy dandy beam sword and cut the fanatics in half.

Clark: "You know, I imagined using that weapon set a bit longer…"

A final Fanatic charged Clark.

Clark: "_Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu"_

A grand fire ball came out of no where and hit the fanatic.

Fanatic: "GAH I'M MELTING! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SOMETHING CALLED OVER KILL!"

Clark: "Cool! I wonder what else I can do……"

Ahem…yes…back to the prisoners…

Red Fanatic: "NEVER! I SHALL NEVER CAVE IN TO YOUR TORTURE TECHNIQUES!"

Mister Frodo sighed and rewinded the DVD back for the fifth time to the same spot.

Miser Frodo: "How many times do you want to see the romance seen between Anikin and Padme before you listen to the author's demands?"

Red Fanatic: "OK OK I GIVE IN! I SECSEDE FROM O'MALLEYS ARMY!"

Mister Frodo: "I won't let you go until you spell secede right."

Red Fanatic: "How do you know I spelt it incorrectly?"

Mister Frodo: "Look three lines above this one."

Red Fanatic: "CURSE YOUR AWARNESS OF THE AUTHOR YOU NONENTITY!"

Mister Frodo: "Nonentity? Who the hell actually says that?"

Red Fanatic: "I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!"

Mister Frodo sensed he was done and turned to the blue fanatic

Mister Frodo: "Should I tell you what **really** happened to runny bunny in my fic again?"

The blue fanatic shook his head slowly.

Mister Frodo: "Great, my job is done."

Mister Frodo grabbed a shot gun and ran out towards the battle field.

Red Fanatic: "Um…I think he forgot to let us go…"

On the other side of the canyon…

Val picked up his conveniently placed bow and arrow, and fired it at the ever growing crowd of fanatics.

The arrow ricocheted off the walls repeatedly until it killed every fanatic in the immediate area….which somehow caused a sonic boom.

Simply put, a whole lot of people died.

Val: "Why the hell do I use the lock pick when I have arrows?"

Val absent mindedly threw the lock pick into the crows of fanatics.

Then it created an explosion that rivaled that of the Hiroshima atomic bomb.

Val: "Ohhhhh that's why."

Val suddenly became aware of his lack of Grunts and weapons. As well as the fifty or so fanatics that had somehow survived the explosion.

Val: "This calls for a tactical retreat."

Val ran across the canyon to where Isaac was fighting O'Malley while the notorious captain was finishing his job of keeping the flood at bay.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "Well I'm out of ammo and out of dynamite….I suppose there's only one thing I can do."

The captain took a breath.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hearing the battle cry, the smaller flood spontaneously combusted.

The larger flood continued to advance towards the captain who took this opportunity to run towards the rock formation just at the other side of the canyon, since it seemed as though everyone was there.

Karin finished off the last red fanatic with her hammer as Clark was cutting down the last of the blue fanatics…and burning down…and just all around killing.

Clark: "KAITEN!"

Clark spun around as every fanatic around him was pushed back.

Clark: "_Housenka no Jutsu"_

A bunch of smaller fire balls burned the last of the fanatics.

Clark and Karin looked towards Isaac and O'Malley who were wrestling over the DS.

O'Malley: "I'M EVILER!"

Isaac: "NO! I AM!"

Val jumped out of no where and tried to get the DS.

Val: "Must…get DS…and become…all powerful…"

O'Malley: "I'm so evil, I thought of a way to get rid of you!"

Isaac: "WHAT!"

O'Malley let go of the DS for a split second, grabbed Isaac's rocket launcher, and fired a rocket at the base.

The rocket hit a wall, which caused the wall to shake, which caused the cell phone to fall off the table it was on, causing a message to appear, saying that the signal had been lost.

Val grabbed the cell phone triumphantly.

Val: "YES! I FINALLY GOT I! I-."

Val disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: "That sucks…" The captain disappeared as well.

Isaac: "I'm still eviler." Isaac was the next to disappear.

Clark Cradic: "Do we get to keep the Matrix cloths?"

Penguin god appeared out of no where.

Penguin god: "I have NO idea."

Penguin god and Clark disappeared.

Mister Frodo: "Well I'm the last to go…is that a good thing?"

Mister Frodo disappeared.

O'Malley: "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"

Karin laughed triumphantly.

O'Malley: "Oh no, it's you."

Karin picked up O'Malley's precious Ds.

Griff: "Oh no, this is every guys worse dream. His ex girlfriend with a grudge against him finding his DS and having the power to delete his files. IT'S TOO HORRIBLE TO WATCH!"

Tex: "Is this our que to charge in with Sheila?"

Church: "Yah, that Sarge guy is already charging in."

Sarge: "CHARGE!"

Tex: "I thought the author said there would be two chapters left. There only seems to be enough room for one."

Church: "The next chapter is a pointless intermission. You'll see."

Darlmon: "So this…author you speak of…the real god of this universe…is he going to end the chapter now?"

Church: "Yah I gue,"

**END OF CHAPTER!...I just had to cut Church off. It's amusing…yah I did my best to give each of you a part you would like in this chapter. Mister Frodo seemed to be perfect for the torturing, there's nothing more amusing than seeing two evil people charging at them. I just got Cpt.ShaneSchofield to manage the flood because I figured he would enjoy using a flame thrower. And Clark requested his part. And as for Val…I needed a distraction and he was the one who wanted a team of sugar hi grunts, so it all worked out in the end. Keep reading and reviewing. **


	10. Pointless intermission

**Chapter 10**

**Finals!**

**School is over. I am free. The world is a happy flower……………..yah I COULD rant about my math teacher's incompetence right now, or how much I hate Bush. Or why the Earth is Banana shaped………but instead I am going to talk about penguins…..they are fluffy. NOW BACK TO THE FIC**

**Shadow Gravemind: I'm continuing, I'm continuing**

**Isaac Malott: I like author awareness jokes. They are funny, but I know it can get annoying if someone uses them too much……like the way I use them all the time! XD….yah I will try to avoid using that TOO much. Anyways, I am shocked. I bet ten million dollars against O'Malley that you would say I AM EVILIER in your review….I lost ten million dollars….that I don't have….now I'm indebted to a fictional character. That's kind of sad.**

**Keeper of Truth: I have my own ideas for the magical DS…..MWUAHHA HA…ha..ha….I was NOT just laughing evilly…..understand? Good. You know you should stop banging your head against the key board now….you see that red stuff…that means that you should go to the hospital…or at least stop banging you head…..or quickly write your will and leave everything to me XD.**

**Val of clan Valkyre: Actually Val, it's more like….1.7 seconds….but that's better than being all powerful for zero seconds I suppose. It's a good thing you know how to summon a group of sugar hi grunts. I've been doing the stupid thing and buying them on E-bay for 2 cents a grunt…..that is COMPLETELY overpriced. **

**Mister Frodo: Being the last to go is a GOOD thing. It means you get to stay in the fic for about……3.5 seconds after everyone else leaves. And I don't really think Avatar counts as anime…sort of sub anime….American anime……stupid infidels and their inferior animation technology and their absurd dubs!...did I say that out loud? Meh doesn't matter. It will all change when I Take over the world.**

**Final Fantasy Mech Eater: Well the thing about hyper active grunts, are that they are still grunts. And if you throw a pebble at them….they will die. If you give them a hug, they will explode. If they look at a puppy, they will spontaneously combust with ph34R……but I guess that's why everyone likes them. Of course three cups of espresso per grunt would be rather expensive. One spoonful of sugar should work just as well.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: fire goooooooooddd……don't worry I'm not a pyro. I'M AN ARCINEST!**

**Drew829: Yes, everyone should embrace summer, and Cabooses bad memory. If we were all like Caboose, Imagine how better the world would be……(insert image of large explosions and completely destroyed cities)…….what a beautiful world. It's economy is MUCH better than our current one and the lack of social standards makes it a paradise….with death and destruction everywhere. **

**Clark Cradic: Giant…scorpion…tank…human…thingy…………. I for some reason find that absolutely terrifying…..anyways……………………………………………… Defining overkill is fun. Especially with explosives, fire, explosions, rockets, fire, fire, fire, fire, FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE…………………………….I think I went a bit insane there.**

**Don113: Right……the thing about short reviews is that they are hard to respond to. So, with a lack of a real response……………….yah that's all I can really say except, IT IS SUMMER! YAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Winter? Why would you want to celebrate winter? (clueless look)**

Church: "Hi my name is Church, from the popular online series known as Red vs Blue.

Simmons: "And my name is Simmons, I am also from Red vs Blue."

Church: "And we are here to talk to you about finals."

Simmons: "Finals are an important part of the educational system."

Church: "Which means, that its another event where you have to study your ass off, so that you can get into a good college, and get a good job, so you can boss people around and not land in a stupid army, with an annoying blue guy asking you stupid questions THAT DON'T HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING! AND CALLING YOUR GIRLFRIEND A SLUT! KILLING YOU! AND….."

Simmons: "What Church is trying to say, is that even though it's the end of the year, finals are really important."

Griff suddenly walks in.

Griff: "No they're not. I never study for finals and it never did anything bad to me."

Simmons: "That's because you NEVER study, so there were no good grades for them to damage. You're too lazy. In fact there's a chance that your IQ could be an entire 2 digits, but you will never find out if you don't work."

Church: "Right, back to the point. The thing about finals is that, if you paid attention in class, you should only have to spend a couple of hours reviewing the material for each class."

Simmons: "To make this point clear, we have prepared 2 examples."

Donut and Sarge walk up.

Simmons: "Ok, start."

Donut and Sarge sat down and stared blankly ahead at Tucker.

Tucker: "Now class…we are going to learn about………something….."

Church: "TUCKER! Stick to the script."

Tucker: "Right, anyways...in order to do this math problem….aw come on Church I HATE MATH! Algebra is impossible."

Church: "TUCKER! First of all stick to the script. Second of all…its Algebra. It's easy."

Tucker: "Whatever. Now class….X plus 2 equals 4….so logically X must equal 2……Church are you sure you did this right?"

Donut was diligently writing notes down while Sarge was drawing a picture of Griff being stabbed to death.

Church: "Now skip to two months later."

Donut: "Well the finals are coming up. Time to review….X plus 2 equals 4. what is X….I remember when we did this in class! I remember that day specifically because the person next to me was wearing a hot leather biker outfit!"

Simmons: "Donut. It was a two person class. The only person asides from you there was Sarge."

Donut: "So Sarge was wearing a hot leather biker outfit?"

Church: "NO! Just….ok skip to Sarge."

Sarge: "X plus 2 equals 4…so X must be….AW DMAN IT! I have to review a years worth of material in 36 hours! How can I do this? What could X POSSIBLY MEAN!"

(A/N: I sort of stole that from the Colbert Report….DISCLAIMER! I don't own the Colbert Report OR the Daily show)

Church: "So if you paid attention in class, you should be all right."

Sarge: "What about raw talent?"

Church: "Talent?"

Sarge: "In the Spartan academy I was always top of my class in weapon wielding, order giving, and art, despite studying. While I had a lot of difficulty in my strategy and respecting your subordinates classes."

Church: "Art?"

Sarge: "Modern art."

Church: "Oh never mind then. I thought you had some talent there for a second."

Donut: "BURN!"

Caboose: "I can draw…."

Church: "Oh really? Can you draw a smiley face."

Caboose: "One time I drew a picture of my teacher, and she gave me an A…and told me to get away and to put the gun down…I still have the picture. Do you wanna see?"

Caboose pulled out a picture of a meadow, where the badly drawn flowers and sun had smiley faces…and Caboose was holding the teacher's decapitated head above the maimed body.

Simmons: "When did you draw this?"

Caboose: "First grade."

Simmons and Church took a step back.

Church: "How about you go play over there Caboose."

Caboose: "ok."

Church: "Right…getting back on topic…"

Simmons: "It's true that some people are good in some classes and not so good in others…but not me I am perfect in everything."

Church: "A bit self absorbed there, don't you think?"

Simmons: "Well what about you?"

Church: "I always had trouble in history classes, so all I had to do was set aside more time to study for those."

Simmons: "So all you have to do, is know your strength and weaknesses, and put aside more time for your weak points."

Griff: "Yah Simmons didn't have to study a single second for his Kiss Ass class."

Simmons: "Hey! My A+ in that course doesn't make me any more of a kiss ass. It just means I'm certified to be one."

Griff: "Whatever."

Simmons: "To demonstrate this, watch what happens when I show Griff Latin."

Simmons handed Griff a thick book.

Griff: "Amo..amas..amat…amamus…amatus…amant………amavi….amavi, AH ITS SO CONFUSING!"

Griff ran around in circles screaming like……someone who was running around in circles screaming.

Church: "Cool I need to try that."

Church ran over to Tucker.

Church: "Tucker, this is a copy of Much Ado about Nothing……it has five thousand six hundred and thirty two perverted innuendoes."

Tucker: "WHAT! LET ME SEE!"

Tucker quickly glanced at the book.

Tucker: "What? I don't understand? Where are the perverted jokes?"

Church: "Your looking at them."

Tucker: "But…I don't…understand…what…."

Tucker followed Griff's example and ran around in circles screaming.

Church: "Chances are he has an A in health."

Tucker suddenly stopped running around.

Tucker: "And human anatomy. Especially the ladies anatomy."

Tucker winked suggestively at Tex.

Tex punched Tucker in the face.

Tucker: "WHAT THE HELL! Aren't you suppose to SLAP a guy when he says something perverted?"

Tex: "Why would I do that? Hitting is MUCH better."

Tex Kicked Tucker in the crotch and started beating him with her rifle.

Church: "Right….lets avoid showing the readers the following graphic scene and resume with where we left off…where did we leave off?"

Donut: "On Shake Spear."

Church: "Right…what about him?"

Donut: "I always had trouble understanding his books. But I worked hard and I managed to dumb it down in my mind."

FLASHBACKIFY

Donut: "I think it went something along the lines of…………………"

Benedick: "IT WAS DON JOHN THE BASTARD!"

Don Pedro: "What? my own half brother? Who raged war against me, stands in corners looking evil, and has all of those soliloquies where he calls himself a villain?

Don John: "I AM A VILLAIN! I BITE WHEN I HAVE FANGS! I WOULD DO AS I PLEASED IF I HAD MY FREEDOM! I REALLY WANT TO KILL MY BROTHER!"

Don Pedro: "He would NEVER do such a thing to me."

Benedick: "Yes he would!"

Beatrice: "Shut up."

Benedick: "No YOU shut up."

Beatrice: "Ass."

Benedick: "Bitch."

Don Pedro: "Benedick, Beatrice told me she loved you."

Benedick: "Really? I LOVE YOU TOO BEATRICE!"

Beatrice: "I LOVE YOU TOO BENEDICK!"

Claudio: "YAI! Hero is alive!"

Benedick: "Why do you love her? You never said more than ten words to each other, besides the time you called her a slut."

Claudio: "Yes, but she's rich, and I'm rich. So it is true love."

Antonio: "I am Antonio. And I am also Leanato's brother…except I'm not….YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF IT IS ME! MWUAHAHHAHAAHAH!"

Donut: "NOW I UNDERSTAND!"

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Church: "……………"

Simmons:"…………"

Church: "In one flash back I think you forever defaced the name of Shake Spear."

Donut: "But…."

Church: "No buts. Just leave."

Donut: "But…"

Church: "GET OUT OF HERE!"

Donut slowly backed away towards red base.

Simmons: "Don't you think you were a little harsh?"

Church: "That never works on Caboose so I've always wanted to see that work on someone."

Simmons: "That's mean….."

Church: "Anyways, the last thing to keep in mind is, teachers, preparations, and staying after."

Simmons: "You may have some teachers who you think are idiots (science) pedophiles (world themes) incompetent (math) nice (Latin) and cool (English). Remember that these teachers don't make the tests. But they DO make the study guides, and tell you what you should study."

Church: "All you have to do is follow the study guide. And if the teacher doesn't really give you any sort of study guide…or do anything to help….then actually your pretty much screwed."

Simmons: "Remember teachers are there to help. Staying after school can be a huge benefit."

Church: "Unless your teacher fits under the pedophile category. In which case, It is a VERY BAD IDEA!"

Simmons: "And also remember to bank time. The exams are on different days, so you should make your schedule to fit those days."

Church: "And that's is."

Simmons: "Yup, use these….four helpful tips and you can ace finals easily."

Sarge: "Finals are already over."

Simmons: "What?"

Sarge: "Well this chapter was posted AFTER most people took their finals."

Church: "THEN WHY DID WE WASTE TIME DOING THIS!"

Sarge: "Because it's funny."

Church: "Whatever. Everyone get back into your places for the final chapter."

Church then realized, that Tex had pretty much killed Tucker, Griff passed out while running around screaming, Donut had run inside the base, and Caboose was at the other side of the canyon playing hide and seek with a rock.

Church: "Aw, screw this."

**To answer your question…..yes….this chapter was completely pointless. But it was funny. And funny is good for the soul. Now we just need Karin to mend Tuckers injuries before next chapter….which will be posted in a week or so. Even though I don't have school anymore, I want to space it out from this chapter. Pretty soon I will be spending a month in camp. And I won't start my next story till I come back. Well anyways, keep reading and reviewing. **


	11. Oreos OCs and normality

**Chapter 11**

**Oreos OCs and normality **

**HI EVERYBODY!...this is when you say, HELLO DOCTOR NICK!.. fine be that way….I took my own advice for finals and got 4 A-s and one B- (Latin). DAMN YOU LATIN DAMN YOU! Anyways, if you're a Naruto fan, go to Newgrounds, find the Naruto section, and watch ultimate Naruto fanflash 1-4. Trust me its funny….anyways It is summer and in 2 weeks I will be off 2 camp. I may right another 1 shot Naruto fic in that time but I won't be writing RvB for another month and a half, in that time I would like to do what I did in the end of revenge of the robots. If you have a hilarious RvB idea that you want me to write or some odd reason, then feel free to recommend it……….yah anyways onto the last chapter.**

**Drew829: I wonder how its physically possible for someone to laugh their ass off more than once…..whatever random thought. Anyways, glad my pointless chapter could be of help, which is odd because my bet was that it would be too busy distracting people from finals to help them. Weird. Anyways I am honored that you would include me in your fic. (Join Duo Jagan's evil army, and YOU can be sincere to!)…..its been a while since I advertised my army. I don't want people 2 forget.**

**Isaac Malott: Yah you have to join, then type a story, upload it in your documents manager, agree to the terms of service, and create a new story. Then you have to threaten reviewers so you get reviews, then threaten a political or religious figure to make more people review, and from there try to make every review a follower of your evil army of L33Tness……and yah, we all hate finals. And Latin. We all loathe Latin. Stupid dead language…**

**Clark Cradic: Why does it seem that every review is out of school before me? I feel rather unlucky. Oh well that means my summer will end later! In a few months I will be considered the lucky one!...don't tell me it doesn't work that way I want to live in denial.**

**Searge: Is the E suppose to be there or is it a typo? Whatever, glad to have another minion…I mean follower….I mean reviewer….yah…that's it. The last one. Reviewer. I am GLAD to have another reviewer! (Join Duo Jagan's evil army and YOU can have reviewers!)**

**The Keeper of Truth: Really? I mean its one thing to not study for a repetitive math lesson and get an A, but for finals? That's impressive. At any rate, Bobo is an important man eating teddy bear of doom and he is a permanent OC who will be here until the end of time, or when I die from laughing evilly too long and end up dieing due to a lack of oxygen….but until that day comes expect Bobo to appear in many chapters.**

**Val of clan Valkyre: .2 cents is still WAY too expensive. A grunts life is worth the amount of bullets it takes to kill him. One shot from a plasma pistol…and a plasma pistol is worth 1 cent, so if you use 1 hundredth of its ammo to shoot…that means a grunt should be worth .01 cents. And its easy to distract Caboose. Just tell him the rock had to go home and he will believe you. Even if the rock is right in front of him.**

Last time On Red vs Blue

Griff: "AHHHH! THIS IS SO CONFUSING!"

Um….what the hell?

Church: "Remember? We did a short chapter about the pains of finals."

Right…well the time before last time on Red vs blue……….

AbunchofrandomstuffhappenedandlotsofthingswentBOOMandanarmyofreviewerscameinandwasallkickassonIwilltakeovertheworldfloodandfanaticsoO'malleymadethemgobyebyeanditwasalllikenooooobutthenthechapterendedandeverythingwentbyebye.

If you read through that, and see the somewhat obvious hidden message…..then your attention span is too long.

Now, abandoning the flashback….that looks like it was typed up by a sugar hi 2 year old, lets get back to the story.

O'Malley gritted his teeth…well rather he gritted Griff's teeth. Karin held his ultimate weapon, and it seemed as though nothing could stop her.

Karin: "It's over Griff! Your reign of terror ends here."

O'Malley: "GRIFF'S REIGN OF TERROR! WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO! I DESERVE ALL OF THE CREDIT!"

Karin: "So Griff was forced to do this against his will!"

O'Malley laughed evilly.

Mangor's I-pod suddenly started playing sad music.

O'Malley: "You still do not get it! HE CHOSE To let me take over!"

Karin: "NO! Griff's not evil! He may be lazy, stupid, and inconsiderate, but not evil."

O'Malley: "You have no idea the horrors he had to undertake. Constantly fearing for his life as his superior officer tried to kill him, always being looked down on, being excluded and shunned!"

Mangor: "Why is this thing playing sad music?"

O'Malley: "Although he never showed it, secretly he wanted revenge! He always waited, and waited for there to be some chance where he could get back at the people that shunned him!"

A million close ups occur for no particular reason.

O'Malley: "And then when I came along, he realized that THIS was his chance!"

Donut: "LIAR! YOUR JUST USING HIM!"

Karin: "When the hell did you get here?"

Donut: "…..I don't know."

O'Malley: "It is true that I am using him, but he is using me just as much. To me, he is my host, my vessel, and to him, I am his savoir, his dark conscience, his wrath that shall be unleashed upon the world!"

Caboose drove up in Sheila.

Everyone waited for Caboose to say something dramatic………

Needless to say that waited a long time…..

Eventually everyone got bored and O'Malley started to talk again.

O'Malley: "As long as I give him Oreos, and get revenge on those he detests, he will allow me to use him in order to take over the world!"

Karin: "YOU LIE! There must be some part of Griff still in there…LET ME SPEAK TO HIM!"

Simmons: "Wait, don't you love Caboose?"

Karin: "Oh yah, I do….well screw you Griff."

Donut: "YOU LIE! There must be some part of Griff still in there…LET ME SPEAK TO HIM!"

O'Malley: "You are too late! There is nothing you can do to stop me!"

Suddenly the dramatic music stopped.

Mangor: "That was annoying. It's a good thing I was smart enough to take out the batteries."

O'Malley: "What? Plot devices run on ordinary batteries!"

Darlmon: "Yes…that means that they can only be used so much…unless you go to a gas station and buy them at absurd prices."

O'Malley: "It does not matter! I still have my army of fanatics at my side!...speaking of which where are they?"

Meanwhile…..

Purple Fanatic: "HAVE WE FORGOTEN WHAT OUR FORFATHERS HAVE TAUGHT US! We went from homicidal flag worshipers to humble flag, Oreo, and O'Malley worshipers! WHAT HAS BECOME OF US! What happened to the noble maniacs that I once fought along side?"

Blue Fanatic: "Look who's talking! You stand for peace, in a system based on fighting."

Purple Fanatic: "It is true that I preach different things! But at least, I do not worship someone who's armor is ORANGE!"

The fanatics all bowed their heads, realizing the error of their ways.

Purple Fanatic: "ABANDON THE OREO MINES! DO NOT SERVE O'MALLEY! WE MUST LIVE IN THE CIVIL WAR FOUGHT FOR AGES! AT LEAST THAT IS CLOSER TO THE PEACE I INVISION! FOR THE FLAG!

Fanatics: "FOR THE FLAG!"

Meanwhile….

O'Malley: "For some reason, I got the strangest feeling that if I was in Docs body, with purple armor and everything, I would be a lot better off now."

Sarge: "Well it's too late now!" Sarge cocked his shotgun.

O'Malley: "If you kill me you will kill Griff!"

Sarge: "That's even better!"

Sarge shot O'Malley/Griff in the chest, and then for good measures kicked his bleeding dead body.

Karin ran over to check Griff's body.

Karin: "Sarge your amazing! Knowing that O'Malley would chicken out, you shot Griff in less fatal parts of the body. HE IS STILL ALIVE!"

Sarge: "I did?"

Church: "How could you not kill someone at point blank range with a freaking SHOT GUN!"

Sarge: "I did?"

Simmons: "How can you control where each shard hits? I mean IT'S A SHOT GUN!"

Sarge: "I did?"

Karin: "I will start tending to his wounds!"

Sarge: "I did?"

Caboose: "What happened to the puddle?"

Church: "You mean the flood?"

Caboose: "What happened to the wave?"

Church: "Oh, they are massing a huge force in that cave there to kill us….oh shit!"

As most people probably forgot at this point, the flood were massing in the caves.

Donut: "OH NO! WHAT DO WE DO!"

Church: "Tex can handle this!"

Tucker ran over to Church, panting.

Tucker: "Church, Tex left to find and kill Wyoming. She just realized that there is a chance he isn't dead!"

Church: "It took her this long!"

Tucker: "Yah I guess."

Church: "This is bad! We can't fight the flood on our own!"

On que, the flood started swarming out of the cave.

Tucker: "This is it…were dead."

Simmons: "What are you talking about? We have a tank. People with tanks are never out numbered."

Church: "Yah but Caboose is driving, and he has a little problem with friendly fire."

Caboose: "Sheila…shoot the blue one."

Sheila: "You mean Church?"

Caboose: "I guess. Is he the blue one? I heard Church talking about how he wants to kill a blue idiot. Maybe he wants to kill himself! He will be SO happy when we shoot him."

Church: "CABOOSE DON'T SHOOT ME!"

Caboose: "I can see why he wants to kill himself. He is very angry sometimes."

Darlmon: "We are hunted by the prophets, ally demons, find the sacred relics, and are about to be killed by parasites…why does this happen to us?"

Mangor: "I am a magnet for bad luck."

The flood continued to charge, taking a suspiciously long time to get to the group of Spartans.

The flood continued to charge…when something happened that no one could have possibly predicted.

A twenty story teddy bear leapt over the side of the cannon and started crushing the flood.

Mangor: "Bobo! YOU CAME BACK!"

The bear hunched over and breathed fire into the cave.

Simmons: "What the hell?"

Church: "What the hell?"

Darlmon: "For some reason I don't find this the least bit odd."

Tucker: "What the hell!"

Caboose: "Hell what the?"

Donut: "What the hell?"

Karin: "OH MY GOD!...and…oh the fire breathing teddy bear is weird to."

Sarge: "I had a toy like that when I was a kid."

Mangor: "So THAT'S why I had a twisted child hood."

The giant teddy bear reared up and roared in beastlike furry.

Then Godzilla came out of no where and tackled Bobo.

Fortunately, Bobo knew martial arts for some unknown reason and kicked Godzilla's ass.

Simmons: "What the hell?"

Tucker: "What the hell?"

Church: "WE ARE NOT STARTING THE ENTIRE CHAIN AGAIN!"

Mangor grabbed O'Malley's plot device and tossed it up at the giant bear, who caught the DS in his mouth and swallowed it.

Mangor: "I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA! The OC's can be the keepers of the plot devices!"

Church: "Why should we entrust them to you?"

Griff started coughing and slowly woke up.

Griff: "What happened?"

Karin: "Simply put, you were taken over by an evil AI and tried to kill us all but Sarge shot you and saved you."

Griff: "….huh?"

Karin: "What's the last thing you remember?"

Griff: "The author telling me to give the OC's the plot devices."

Simmons: "Why does everyone believe in the author! We have no proof of his existence!"

Sarge: "Yes we do! We believe in him and that's proof."

Simmons: "I completely agree with Sarge."

Donut: "You don't think that maybe the author is just using this as an excuse because the plot devices are becoming a bit too random and he needs an excuse to not use them as much?"

Simmons: "….."

Sarge: "….."

Church: "…."

Donut: "Never mind then."

Karin: "Well I best be going. My work here is done."

Karin picked up the cell phone and started to walk away.

Mangor: "All of the debris from the battle will help make a fine ship! And it will give the author an excuse as to where all of the wreckage from his fics went as the series starts again."

Darlmon: "I agree. A convenient time skip will be good around now."

………….A few days later……….

Mangor, with the I-pod, and Darlmon, with the blackberry, flew away in their ship as Karin wandered around healing random people, and Bobo wandered around eating people.

Donut: "I wonder what they will do?"

Church: "Meh they said something about a new job…"

Suddenly a human dropship fell from orbit and crushed Donut.

Sarge: "Wow, dajavoo. I guess a part of Darlmon's ship fell off."

Doc: "EVERYONE! TUCKERS BABY IS CHEWING THROUGH THE WIREING!"

Church ran back to the base, cursing as he went.

Simmons: "Wow, O'Malley still hasn't shown who his new host is."

Sarge: "Of course not, the author is recreating the image from where he started and leaves off. He has an odd obsession with time lines."

Donut: "I don't suppose you can help get this dropship off me?"

Simmons: "I wonder what their new job is?"

Donut: "Guys?"

……….Meanwhile……..

Elite 1: "This is the record of every person on Delta Halo in history. And for some reason Mangor is on the list, but I don't recall him being there."

Elite 2: "Yah and what's with that other Spartan."

Suddenly a shadowy figure burst through the doors.

Elite 1: AN INTRUDER! Lets gawk at him thus giving him ample time to kill us."

The shadow figure charged past the random elite guard's slicing heads as he went.

Elite 1: "Who or what are you?"

Shadowy figure: "I am the author's blade, his tool to be used against inconsistencies, his way of giving explanations for weird things when he is too lazy…"

Elite 2: "Fool…there is no author."

Shadowy Figure: "HERETIC!"

Elite 1: "Oh crap…Mangor…."

Needless to say our favorite Elite killed the two people.

Darlmon: "Ok, I am changing the list to make no inconsistencies. No one will ever say the author is wrong."

Mangor: "So…is this a happy end?"

Darlmon: "Well we just killed a pair of Elites who were just innocently doing their job…but I suppose its nothing different from our normal line of work.

Credits started rolling up out of no where.

**Director: DUO JAGAN**

**Author: DUO JAGAN!**

**Voice Cast: What voices? I don't hear any voices. (eye shift)**

**Script Writers: Duo Jagan, and the people he kidnapped from the streets to type up ideas when he feels lazy.**

**Beta readers: Penguin God, and Sekah.**

**Props from: Absolutely nothing**

**Special effects, courtesy of: Absolutely no one. We are too cheap to have special effects.**

**A special thanks to**

**ME: For writing this**

**Penguin God: For reading this**

**Sekah: For not selling my soul to a demon rapist from Yu Yu Hakusho…don't ask**

**Whoever the hell invented Oreos: They take up WAY too much of the plot.**

**Hand held electronic devices in general: For without them, there would be no plot devices**

**Bungie: For making Halo**

**Rooster Teeth: For making RvB**

**Our soon to be, Penguin overlords: ALL HAIL THE PENGUINS**

**MY BEST REVIEWERS**

**Mister Frodo: Read his fic, it's funny. FUNNY I TELL YOU!**

**Clark Cradic: Still the number 1 reviewer, and he knows way 2 much about Naruto. Which is a good thing.**

**Isaac Malott: It is a rare occasion when you find someone as evil and insane as O'Malley….he is that rare occasion**

**Val of Clan Valkyre: He just started writing fics. They are pretty good so far.**

**Cpt.ShaneSchofield: An early reviewer, who is a true pyro and has the amazing ability to make the majority of his reviews, consist of only the word Ha.**

**The One True Koneko: Hasn't reviewed since "So you love Caboose…." But she was a pretty consistent reviewer back then. **

**Recent Reviewers that just started to Review:**

**Drew829: At this point he has 1 chapter in his fic and I am going 2 be in the next one. YIPPIE! **

**Searge: Literally made 1 review at this point…but that's still something.**

**Shadow Gravemind: 1 short review…but still something.**

**Final Fantasy Mech Eater: He can kill people with just a sponge…that has to count as something.**

**Don113: Only a couple of reviews from him, but he's still a reviewer.**

**VGpawner: He has a funny fic read it.**

**TenWings: One review…but yah…still a review…**

**Razielium Gaurdian: Also…1 review…but still something**

**ANYONE WHO IS STUPIDLY FORGOT**

**YOU! For reading this**

**Oh and other generic Halo humor writers in the C2 I am in as of ten minutes ago…. Yah w/e. **

Mangor: "Wow…long credits."

**Remember if you have an insanely funny idea feel free to recommend it. I'm off to camp soon and I am tempted to write a short song fic about Naruto….Think "My sword does not slash it shaves" To the rhythm of twinkle, twinkle little star. Anyways, Read and Review. I'm off to comp camp soon. BYE EVERYONE! PENGUINS WILL SMITE US ALL! SMITE US I SAY! SMITE US!**

Mangor slaps the author.

**Its ok….I'm still sane….still perfectly…insane….PENGUINS WILL RULE THE WORLD**


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